


Love Someone

by writeyourownlifestory



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF
Genre: Gay Sex, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2019-10-25 11:17:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 38,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17724152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeyourownlifestory/pseuds/writeyourownlifestory
Summary: When you love someone, you open up your heart. When you love someone, you make room. If you love someone and you're not afraid to love someone, you've probably loved someone like Ben loved Joe.





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> 1) This is 100% because of that video Joe posted in instagram.  
> 2) This is also 100% fake and I am completely aware that Hardzello doesn't exist. I just felt like writing something and it turned into something wild and unexpected.  
> 3) Borhap doesn't exist here. Ben is a model. Joe is a writer. They met through Rami, who introduced them to Gwilym and Allen. Sorry for the confusion.

 

They were friends through other friends, nothing more. If they hadn’t met when they did, their paths probably never would have crossed. It was at a party. A rather boring one, to be completely honest. Ben had been invited and while he always enjoyed a good get together, didn’t exactly feel much like partying as of late. Not for any particular reason. Modeling was going well. He landed another Vogue issue. Versace was in talks currently, but anything could happen with them.

He had spoken to his agent, hoping to branch out into other things. Commercials. Movies. Real acting really but for now, solid pictures for magazines and billboards were his thing. He didn’t mind too much. The money was good. And he was happy.

Sort of.

He went to the party for . . . who knows why really. Maybe because he wanted to do something. Get out of the loft. He wasn’t hungry or tired. Just bored. So he went.

And there he was, a grown man in a bear costume, singing Prince. No, it wasn’t a costume, but rather one of those onesie type outfits. Ben didn’t get the appeal, but then again he figured they weren’t exactly marketed towards him. More for children and those who were children at heart.

At first Ben thought the man was drunk out of his mind. He was singing wildly. Almost animated. So dramatic and ridiculous, but when it came to an end and everyone cheered him on, the man thanked everyone and walked off the makeshift stage, completely sober.

That was when he first met him. Joseph Mazzello. Joe, as he went by. He was a writer. He hoped to be a director one day, but for now, he wrote. Nothing in particular. Show episodes. Music videos. He wasn’t famous, but then again, nobody at the party was.

Closest was the one throwing the party. Rami made it big on the silver screen though you’d never really know it. He met Ben in London during fashion week. Rami had been invited by his girlfriend, who did the show with Ben.

They didn’t have much in common, but Rami was a relaxing soul and made Ben feel welcome whenever he was in the states. He was there currently for some shoots. Three months and then he was back to London for his next show.

Rami did all he could to make him feel welcome. Invited him around town, introduced him to different people. He even when to set once, meeting the cast and crew. Ben wasn’t a jealous person, but even he couldn’t help to feel envious while he watched Rami work.

Ben was theatrically trained, as many who grow up in England were when they made the decision to act. He never got a break or call back, but thanks to his good looks he was able to make a living with one type of camera.

He had made some other friends. Other Europeans like himself that were stuck in the states trying to make a living, and other Americans that did what they could to survive in their current climate.

Joe was one of them, though he didn’t know if they’d be considered friends. Allen, he could go out and grab dinner with. Gwilym, he’d get a beer and watch the game. Rami, well they could do practically anything, but Joe . . . he was an odd duck.

They were so different. Polar opposites, to be exact.

Ben was more casual, keeping everything inside. He didn’t get very emotional or really even invested into much. If something didn’t work out, then he’d move on and focus on something else. If he went for an audition and he didn’t get a callback, then he’d get over it and put his attention onto his next modeling gig.

If someone didn’t like Joe’s script then he would spend the entire week cursing their name and swearing he’d steal away their firstborn son. He screamed a lot, actually. It was quite worrisome at first, but Rami assured Ben that it was just part of Joe’s personality. He was very dramatic, always had something going on in his mind.

Rumor had it he kept a typewriter in his car, but Ben never got around to ask. Or see for himself.

They didn’t hang out on their own. They just didn’t. Not that they didn’t want to. Ben at first though Joe hated him, but each and every time they came together, Joe would smile and greet him as kindly as ever.

He guessed they were both too busy for the other. Always having something else more important to do than to make time for the other. Ben didn’t mind much. He was, after all, a busy man. A working man.

Dolce and Gabbana got him for their newest perfume. It was something to celebrate. And when Rami offered to throw him a party, Ben didn’t fight it.

They partied a lot in California. Far more than they did in London. Rami’s birthday. And then Gwilym’s. And then Ben landing the perfume and then Lucy’s surprise party. So much to celebrate.

Allen had gotten married and Ben arrived in a dark tux and shining shoes. Joe was there, without a date much to his surprise. He had also come solo, as well as Gwilym. Rami came with Lucy, which was to be expected.

Everybody danced and cheered on the loving couple, though Ben found himself growing far colder than expected. His own relationships hadn’t been ideal and while he wasn’t jealous, seeing a friend go on and get married while he was still stuck in the same place effected Ben in a way he hadn’t expected.

He said nothing, like always. What was the point of getting emotionally involved in something he couldn’t change? He didn’t have time for a girlfriend right now. He had auditions to focus on.

Two tv shows and movie. One for an upcoming SyFy channel show. Another was a guest spot on some sitcom where he would be playing the eye candy for one of the main girls to flirt with for an episode. And the movie . . . he had no idea. He hadn’t read the script yet but he knew he was going to be playing some hot stud.

If he got the part, that was.

But he didn’t. He had gone to all three and got two callbacks, but in the end, none of them worked out.

Less than two months left in America and then he could return home. Dolce and Gabbana’s campaign went well and seeing his face all over, in different stores and ads, it was exciting, but he wanted more.

He told his agent to find him something good. Allow him to show his growth.

He said he would try his best.

He found a particular salience knowing he wasn’t the only one suffering. One night at Gwilym’s loft, Joe let it slip that his script had been shut down by six different studios. It was a painful blow. One that no one knew what to do with. Gwilym could only pat his shoulder and tell him to keep going. Rami promised to show the script to the show creator, in hopes of having it passed along to the right people.

And Ben just kept drinking. He knew the pain and suffering of being passed on. On being told not to quit his day job. American beer was absolute garbage, but he would drink it after every missed opportunity. And a lot of them had come along as of late.

He suffered in silence and he preferred it that way.

He suffered still, watching all his friends move on without him. Gwilym got a show back in England and left shortly after telling everybody. Allen moved back to Ireland though not before spilling the beans that his own show would be doing a film. They were bringing the whole cast back and seemed like the entire world was losing their mind over it.

And Rami . . . the only thing better than finding out he would be playing a literal legend in an upcoming biopic was getting engaged.

You would think a semi-famous Hollywood couple would want to have a big wedding, but alas, they chose to keep it small and secret. Only friends and family were invited and the wedding itself took just three weeks after the engagement was announced. Allen and Gwilym flew in for the event, but they were staying. They had their own lives to return to.

And Ben would be flying back too. Just four weeks from this point.

Everybody was having a good time. Rami’s family. Lucy’s. Friends from Rami’s show and Lucy’s events. Ben knew a handful of people, though nobody really spoke to him. A few ladies asked him to dance, but he declined. They were models. Gorgeous, but he passed. He didn’t want to deal with a headache in the morning. So he stuck with his drink and standing off in the corner.

Joe was standing there too, though his expression was far more somber than Ben’s. The American wore his heart on his sleeve and while it was a stupid thing, he commended Joe for even showing up.

Lucy was a natural beauty, that wasn’t hard to see. She had the personality of an angel and the way she and Joe would get along was just electric. She and Rami belonged together, but there was no surprise in seeing how utterly shattered Joe was once they tied the knot.

“Do you want to go somewhere?” Ben asked him, deciding to the kind thin and remove the poor bastard from the event. They hadn’t even served cake yet and they were literally dressed to the nines, but that didn’t matter.

Joe agreed and they went out to the back of the venue. It was closed off. No other guest would dare leave but neither seemed to care. They ate together and drank, sulking in their sorrows.

“I’m happy for them,” Joe confessed.

And Ben believed him. Lifting his hand, he placed it on Joe’s shoulder, squeezing it tightly. “She’s a great girl. But there are a lot of great girls in LA.” He reassured him.

Joe turned his head to face him, a look of confusion sprayed across his face. “Okay?” He asked bluntly.

“Loving another man’s girl . . . it’s hard, I take it. You will be all right, mate.”

Joe moved slowly then, his brow arching. After a long moment, it seemed the words and their meaning finally clicked. Suddenly, he began laughing. It was humorous, but also bitter. Lifeless really.

“I don’t . . . not Lucy. It’s not that.” Joe told him. “It’s not Her.” He added carefully.

Ben, utterly stumped for a moment, blinked at his words. Clearing his throat, he adjusted his sitting. It was a new world and California brought on several new things. Not like gay people didn’t exist to Ben. For fuck sake, he was a male model, he had met dozens of them, but that didn’t mean he could just assume who felt what for which person.

“Well, . . . loving a woman’s guy isn’t very easy either?” He offered helplessly.

Joe scoffed, pushing off the bench they had been occupying. He placed his right hand on his lip as he swiftly began to pace to and through. “Not him either.” He expressed sharply. “It’s just . . . all this!”

“This?”

“Allen, is married. Gwilym, is off living his dreams in Europe. Rami — in two years from now, he will be an Oscar-nominated actor — married to a gorgeous model who will probably be pregnant with their first child. And me? I can’t get a single studio to look at my script. Not one.”

“Ah.”

“I’m not jealous,” Joe swore. Both hands on his hips, his head pointed down. “I’m just tired of waiting for it to be my turn, you know?”

Ben bobbed his head, his hand tightening over his bottle. He understood exactly what Joe felt. He knew he should have been grateful for the chances he had been given at this point, but that didn’t change the fact that he longed for more. To be more than just the pretty face.

For more scripts where he played somebody other than the hot stud or objection of someone's affections. He wanted a script with meaning, with depth.

Standing to his feet, he crossed a few yards where Joe was standing and sulking and placed his hands on his shoulder’s. “You are a good writer.” He told him, looking at him directly in the eye. “And you’re going to make an amazing film one day. You — Joe Mazzello — will be the Oscar-nominated person. Writer. Director. Whichever.”

Joe laughed again, turning his head away. Ben shook his shoulders, making him look his way. “Laugh all you want, but it’s true. You will do great things, Joe.”

There was a quiet moment between them. Their eyes locked and a feeling of excitement mixed with fantasy-filled the air. Ben had never thought of himself very highly, despite the things people had said. Yet he refused to believe that Joe was anything less than amazing.

They weren’t the best of friends, but Ben believed in him, the same way he believed in Rami and Allen and Gwilym and even Lucy. He knew his friends were talented and he downright refused to allow one of them to think less of themselves.

Even if he couldn’t think highly of himself.

“And you, Ben Hardy,” Joe replied back, his hands lifting up to cup his face. He held him still, his head tilted forward so their foreheads were touching. It was an intimate gesture, one Ben had never expected from any of his friends. “You are going be one hell of a movie star,”

That got Ben laughing. A kind, playful chuckle, escaping his lips. Joe mimicked the sound until they were both standing there, holding onto one another, smiling and laughing at their respected statements.

It was a ridiculous sight, Ben was sure of it. Two grown them, wrapping up in one another. The only thing that could make it wilder was if they closed the gap between them, which is exactly what Joe did.

In an instant, their smiles were gone, wiped away when Joe pressed his lips to Ben’s. It wasn’t excessively wild or spontaneous, but it caught Ben off regardless. He remained still, his eyes shut as Joe’s thumb ran across his cheek gently.

When Joe pulled away, Ben opened his eyes, finding the other man staring back at him. His expression was anxious as he waited for Ben to make a move. There were only two expected of him. To push him away or assault him for daring to make such an advance towards him. Or two, accept what happened and move on from it.

Ben chose the latter, closing the gap once again so they could make the proper adjustments. Ben’s hand slid around the back of Joe’s neck, adjusting him so his head was slightly tilted upwards. Joe’s hands made their way skyward and meshed into Ben’s blond hair.

Ben’s second hand traveled down and bunched at the back of Joe’s suit jacket. He pulled him in tightly, their bodies pressed together with only their suits keeping them apart.

When they pulled apart, they were smiling again. Foolishly so. Giddy even. Joe stepped away, licking his lips as he looked out towards the night sky. “I um. I gotta get to my room.” He gestured toward the hotel they were standing in front of.

Ben bobbed his head and watched him go. He stayed outside a moment longer before heading inside as well. He booked a room for no real reason. He had a loft to get home to, but this was where his friends were. Rami and Gwilym and Allen and Joe. They were all at the hotel to celebrate a wonderful event. So he was there too.

Shortly after returning to his room, Ben had a knock on the door. Joe was standing there in front of him. Gone was his jacket and his shirt had a few buttons undone. Like he had started to undress but stopped halfway through.

“I um. I don’t actually have anything witty or even sexy to say as to why I’m here.” He confessed to Ben.

The blond watched him, moving to lean against the opening of the door. “Aren’t you a writer?” He commented.

Ben rolled his eyes, his shoulders falling as he let out a heavy sigh. “Oh shut up!” He muttered before pushing him inside the room, their lips falling together once more.

Ben had never been with another man before, but from what he gathered, it was more or less the same as being with a woman the physical part. There was sitting and touching. Whispers of sweet words and harsh curses.

He didn’t have lube and figured spit would be fine. It wasn’t, but Joe knew that. He came prepared. A tiny, travel sized bottle fell from his pocket along with a condom. Ben had his own, just in case. Always better to be prepared and whatnot.

There was no thinking or worrying. Just kisses and caresses and lots of fucking. He topped, though that was Joe’s decision. He found a rhythm that fit them both, with his hips thrusting into Joe’s while Joe’s hand work on his own throbbing member. Eventually, he found himself wanting more and he pushed Joe’s hand away and worked on him the same way he would work on himself.

He felt bad for whoever cleaned the sheets and made a mental note to leave a decent tip.

When the finished, he was spent and content. Joe didn’t leave when it was finished and Ben found that he didn’t want him to. They sat together, wrapped up in the scratchy hotel blanket, their heads resting on the barely fluffed pillows.

How the bloody fuck was this a five-star hotel?

They fell asleep together, nestled closely until morning. Ben left first, having had made plans with Gwilym the following morning. He dressed and left the room. He didn’t kiss him goodbye or make him, but he tucked him in and let him sleep.

When he had breakfast with his friend, Ben didn’t tell him about what happened last night. Informing Gwilym that just mere hours ago his cock was thrusting in and out of Joe’s ass wasn’t exactly something they should be discussing over eggs and avocado toast.

When he got home, he found his phone had died and he put it on the charger. After it regained some life, he saw he had a text message from a number he didn’t know.

It didn’t take much thinking to figure out who it was from.

Brunch tomorrow.

Ben already knew he was free tomorrow and found he had no reason not to go. He didn’t have to and part of him thought about skipping it. Making an excuse but what else would he do? Just sit alone, at home. No dog or cat or goldfish to keep him company.

He agreed and Joe told him where to go. When he arrived, Joe was already there. Looking so casual and in his element. He wasn’t a gorgeous man, not like Ben himself. Average looking, but the best kind. Approachable. Ben wasn’t approachable and he knew that. Sometimes it was a blessing. Sometimes it was a curse.

“I think brunch is my favorite meal. Breakfast and lunch. You can’t lose.” Joe told him once they had settled in.

Ben just stared at him, bewildered yet oddly enchanted by his statement.

They looked through the menu, eventually settling on what they wanted. Ben shifted in his seat and didn’t say much. Joe talked mostly, about this and that. Ben found himself listening to it all, adding his own comments here and there.

It wasn’t until the check came that Ben realized what this potentially was. He froze suddenly, unsure of what to actually do. Joe must have sensed something and gave a small snort. “We can split it, you know.” He told him, waving his wallet up. “Or do you not have American currency?”

Ben shook his head, amused rather than annoyed. “Wanker.” He muttered, tossing down his own money.

They walked out together, shoulder to shoulder. Joe was still walking when they got to the corner and as they approached where Ben had parked, the blond found himself thinking of a subject he hadn’t thought of at all since their time together.

“I’m not gay.” He told Joe bluntly.

It was a strange statement to make, after having only had sex with the man just days ago, but it was truthful all the same.

The other male paused, taking in the words. And then he shrugged and continued walking. “Okay.” He told him, crossing the road carefully. Leaving Ben behind as he did.

Ben watched him go, finally snapping from his trance so he could turn the corner and go to his car.

He didn’t speak to Joe for another few days after that. Not because he didn’t want to, but for once in his life, he found himself somewhat busy. Normally he would make excuses for his schedule, but this time around he actually had things going on.

Finalizing on the loft, making sure it was in mint condition when he left. The last thing he needed was to be billed for something that he had broke without realizing it. He was going through his things, deciding what he wanted to bring back to London and what he should leave behind. He made a small box of things he wanted to give his friends, but aside from that, he was rather clueless.

He found the number in his phone, still unsaved with just three messages from it. He decided to be an old school and call the man. He came over within the hour and was absolutely baffled by the mess that Ben was living in.

He tried to explain himself, insist that he was normally a very tidy person and it was just the situation that was causing his home to be more cluttered than usual. Joe didn’t push and instead took it in stride, helping him on what he should keep and what he should donate.

“Like that Netflix special. What sparks joy, Ben? What does not spark joy?” Joe reached forward, grabbing a random item. “Joy? Happiness?”

“That's literally an apron,” Ben replied, feeling no spark towards the item.

“Do you use it often?”

Ben shook his head. “Free swag from a layout I did. Men dressed in provocative clothing.”

“How fun.” Joe tossed it to the right.

He decided anything going to the right was to be given to charity, while anything on the left got to stay. They went back and forth, finding things that sparked joy and things that did not spark joy. He came up with a few things he wanted to bring along with him, like little trinkets he had picked up while being in the states. His plan was to send them prior to him leaving and have his family hold onto them until he got settled in.

Most things that weren’t going back with him were clothing and anything too large to keep. Art pieces he bought to spice up the loft, outfits he rarely he worn. There was a small sculpture he was giving to Rami. Several books he planned on giving to Gwilym, which he will leave with Rami to give to the man when he returned from his work. He had already given Allen a small collection of random things he knew the Irish man could appreciate.

Now all that was left were the old films he had bought during his time here. Ben was an old soul, though he didn’t show it often. His agent had gifted him with a projector and a couple of hard printed movie reels. He said it was the best way to experience a film, by watching how it was originally meant to be seen.

Ben had yet to try it out, but he got himself a few different choices to watch on the makeshift screen. To be completely honest he didn’t know how to set the thing up, but Joe was more than capable. The man practically spazzed out overseeing it all and promptly dropped what he was holding so he could put it together for them.

Ben watched, amused and surprisingly charmed by how bloody giddy the man was at watching an old movie.

Joe chose Singin in the Rain. Apparently, it was one of the best musicals of all time, or so he carefully informed Ben once it was set up. Ben didn’t keep much more than beer and protein shakes in his fridge, having gotten rather used to Postmates over time, so they ordered in.

Joe paid without question, ordering their meals on Grubhub. Within half an hour, they were settled on the couch, watching the film play out in the dark. It was different, to say the least. And sometimes Ben liked different.

Joe spoke every now and then, dropping a truth bomb about how hard Debbie Reynold’s had to work while also putting up with Gene Kelly. The man was a genius, there was no denying that but he was also a hardass perfectionist.

Joe sympathized with him, believing that you can’t always be nice when it comes to art. Ben thought of all the photographers that had yelled and called him obscene names when he didn’t do the right pose or give the right look.

The movie played on and the men ate their food and drank their beer. Ben had a couple bottles of liquor he was still figuring out what to do with. He was down to three weeks and he had about six different bottles to go around. All of which were rare, expensive, and unique in their own rights. He thought about downing them in the final days he was there, but his liver quivered at the thought. And then he thought of giving them away but his wallet screamed in anguish.

When the movie ended and the food was finished and the beer was gone, the two just sat there on the couch. Ben hit the button, stopping the projector, leaving them in the dark. Neither made a move to get up and turn the lights on. Instead of choosing to embrace the shadows from the window that the moon brought in.

“Think you’ll miss LA?” Joe asked him quietly.

Ben knew it was an easy question. Of course, he’d miss it. Part of him wondered why he was even bothering to leave when London didn’t exactly offer him anything new or spectacular. He guessed it was due to not having anything here to hang onto. No steady career. All his friends were doing their own thing. Ben didn’t want to just sit by and wait for something to happen.

He would go back to London and see what was waiting for him. Wouldn’t be the first time and probably wouldn’t even be the last.

“It has its perks.” He answered, his voice heavy yet certain.

Joe turned his head, allowing their eyes to lock. Ben wasn’t lying when he said Joe was average looking, though in the low light and the shadows of the outside world coming through, he found that average was looking pretty good.

“What will you miss the most?” Joe asked.

Ben thought about it. What would he miss about this place? Maybe the weather. London could be so wet and dreary. LA had rain too, but the sun shined more often than not and there more so many trees. Ben forgot what it was like being on the beaches and watching the warm rays, sitting under a palm tree.

LA was like a dream that Ben knew was a dream, but he still didn’t want to wake from it.

“A lot of things,” He admitted, holding the man’s glance. Ben, whose arm had been wrapped around the back of the couch, lifted slowly, moving towards where Joe’s head was resting. He traced his fingers carefully along the dark locks of Joe’s hair, just barely touching.

Joe smiled, his eyes fluttering closed. “Three weeks?” He mentioned aloud.

Ben hummed. Three weeks and then he’d be gone. Who knew when he would return. Maybe a week later. Maybe never. All depended on what fate had planned for him.

“Three weeks.” Joe mimicked.  
“Twenty-one days.” Ben offered.

“Good number.”

Ben hummed again, moving in to close the gap between them. He didn’t remember if Joe’s lips had always been so soft, but he didn’t bother to dwell on it. Joe’s hand came up to cup his face, his thumb doing that wonderful thing it did, tracing along his skin slowly. He tasted like cheap beer and American cuisine, a strange combination for Ben to take a liking too.

They sat there in the dark, on his couch, kissing and touching like they had all the time in the world. There was no point to rush this out. Ben had nowhere to be as of right now and Joe . . . well, he was here. He could leave any time he needed to, but he didn’t. He stayed and continued their relaxed makeup session long into the night.

They had sex again, but not right away. They undressed there in the sitting room, taking the time to map one another out. Joe’s fingers ran along every hard bump and rugged ridge of Ben’s sculpted body and Ben’s lips outlined every curse and mark along Joe’s.

He had women comment on his looks a time or two. Give his unneeded compliments about how he was created by how and he was so fucking hot. Joe didn’t bother to do that. He would talk — Joe couldn’t stay quiet for long, that much was obvious, but it would never be about Ben himself.

About the moment, what they were doing. Even little things that had nothing to do with the fact that Ben’s hand was currently wrapped around his cock, pumping it rhythmically. Any normal person would find it annoying, but Ben found it endearing. He didn’t know if it was due to nerves or that was just who Joe was as a person, but he liked it.

And the only reason he brought their lips together to shut him up was that he liked that too. Joe was a good kisser. Fantastic. Ben wondered if they had been teens together in London, awkward and new to sex and such if they would have been snugging buddies. Ben wondered if he would have given him a chance back then. Back when he was young and stupid and new.

They didn’t have sex in his bed, not right away anyway. Once again Joe had shown up with a pocket-size bottle of lube, something Ben thought about questioning him for but instead chose to just hold on for dear life as Joe began to slowly ride him into oblivion. He held onto him, his fingers marking up his the skin of his back, ass, and hips.

Ben came inside him (well in the condom inside of him) and Joe finished between them both, making them both wet and sticky rather quickly. They shared a shower and while some lazy kisses were shared nothing more happened there.

Joe prepared to leave but Ben stopped him. It was late and dark. He had never been to Joe’s apartment, so he had no idea how far it was but nobody should have to drive in the middle of the night.

Ben may not be the most social person, but he never kicked a partner out when it was over. If they wanted to leave, then by God, go right ahead, but the option to stay was always there. Joe agreed and they retreated to Ben’s bedroom. Where the mattress was firm and the pillows were soft. The blanket wasn’t scratchy and he didn’t need to worry about some maid who had to clean the sheets.

The bed was decently sized and they both had enough room to lay on their own sides, but they met in the middle. Ben’s head found its way onto Joe’s chest, while Joe’s hand found its way into Ben’s, their fingers intertwined. Ben hummed softly, some song he used to sing back when he was young. There were no real lyrics. Just a nice melody. It lulled them both to sleep.

When morning came, they were still pressed together. Ben once again made the first move, though he thought it over properly. He had condoms in the draw, but no lube. It wasn’t normally something he had to worry about but found perhaps now it was time to invest.

Moving carefully through the sheets, Ben ducked underneath and found what he was looking for. They had both pulled their boxes on, just to be polite, and it was easy to see Joe’s outline through the gray cotton material. Ben had never done this before but knew what he liked for himself and used that incentive.

Pulling down the waistband, he freed Joe from his hold and got to work. One part hand, one part mouth, he went back and forth on the man, finding himself smirking against his cock when he heard Joe wake. When he pulled the sheets back, Ben looked up to him like a greedy child with his hand in the cookie jar (and not like a grown man with his mouth wrapped around the tip of a cock).

Joe cursed softly, a sound that was so strange for such a precious man, and his hand found its way to Ben’s head. He started out careful enough, petting him gently. As he began to speed up the movements, Joe began pulling at the shiny locks, tugging on him in earnest.

Joe finished within a few minutes. He pulled back slightly, allowing him to cum over his mouth and chest. Joe found himself laughing at the sight, not the least bit sorry for the mess he made. In his defense, Ben caused it after all.

Ben laughed along with him and gave the man a small kiss on the stomach before pushing up. It called for another shower and this time around, they did more than mere kisses. Under the hot spray and heavy stem, Joe pushed Ben up against the wall, kissing him deeply as he had worked on his untouched cock. A little thank you for the morning blow job.

They didn’t have sex there, but it sure felt like it. A hand job had never been so intense and Ben felt like he was seeing bloody stars when he finished. His heart was beating out of his chest and as they washed each other off, he found he didn’t want to stop touching Joe.

Ben was only slightly bitter when Joe left later that day. There was no reason to stay anymore. The loft had been properly cleaned and organized. Joe promised to help him donate everything when the time came and Ben was sure to make good on that.

When he left, Ben sat down on the couch that they had only christened hours ago and looked to his calendar.

Twenty days left and counting.


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the random few who have decided to read this. I hope it's everything you hoped it would be. I don't know if I will write anymore. This came and went, so we'll just have to see.

And twenty days went by a lot faster than one would expect. A little less than a month. There was still so much he had left to do and yet he found himself making time for other things. Currently, he was all alone. Rami and Lucy were on their honeymoon. Gwilym and Allen were in Europe. All he had was Joe. 

It wasn’t a bad thing, to be exact. He liked having Joe around. He liked having Joe to himself. They had an interesting amount of chemistry. Even when they weren’t sneaking away, Ben found himself enjoying his time with Joe. 

Apparently, there was still so much Ben had yet to see of California and Joe took it upon himself to show it all to him. He tried not to make it overly touristy. He wanted him to enjoy the finer side of LA without making it seem like they were trying to see all the Hollywood parts. 

They went to the boardwalk and beaches. Joe took him to his favorite theaters and Ben took Joe to the only decent English styled restaurant he could find. They didn’t hold hands when they walked, they barely even bumped shoulders, but they were close. 

And Joe never kissed him when they were out in public, though Ben couldn’t figure out if he wanted him to or not. There were times when he thought about it. When Joe was telling him some story about his childhood. He was laughing and smiling, looking so beautiful it was almost annoying. 

Ben didn’t know why he ever thought Joe was merely average looking. The man was absolutely gorgeous. Whether he was clean shaven or had a bit of scruff. Was dressing up or wearing a band tee shirt. Ben was a model and got paid to look good. Joe did it all on his own and for free.

Ben found himself wanting to kiss Joe. And wanting to hold his hand. To put his arm around his shoulders or waist as they walked down the street, but he never did. Maybe because Joe didn’t do it either.

They didn’t talk about what this was. Ben wasn’t gay. He would look across the way and see all these goddess women and imagine what their bodies would feel like against his own. It was something that interested. He would look to the men along the streets and they were handsome, but they had no effect on him the way women did. 

Yet not a single woman could make him flush and smile the way Joe could. Maybe it was deeper than that. Maybe he was bi. Or more. Ben tried not to get into labels. He wanted to be more than that. He wanted to be with him. And he wanted to be with whoever he wanted without having to stick to one specific title. 

Joe never brought it up either. They just didn’t talk. Ben didn’t know if that was good or bad. They weren’t hiding anything. They just . . . did what they did. Hiding meant not doing something on the sole purpose of not wanting someone to see. Ben didn’t care if someone saw him. But he wouldn’t force it onto Joe. He waited for him to make the first move, but he never did. Only when they were behind closed doors. 

So if that was what Joe wanted, then so be it. Ben wasn’t going to make things weird for them. If Joe was content, then so was he. 

They had enough moments to share for him not to worry about losing out on time or whatever. Eventually, he had made his way to Joe’s place, finding it comfortable and spacious. It was a home, unlike his practically empty loft. He brought over the expensive bottles of liquor for them to share. Joe played old movies on his big screen and showed him pictures of his family. 

They cuddled together on the couch, drinking and enjoying one another’s company. Twelve days and counting. Neither of them spoke about it. About what would happen when Ben went back to London. Wasn’t like they’d never see one another again. They were still friends. Still in a tight-knit group of pals. For fuck sake, they were in a group chat that spoke every single day. 

They could be lying side by side, completely naked after a heavy round of sex that left them both sticky and sweaty, panting heavily. Phones in hand, they would reply to memes that the others had sent. Full on conversations in the chat while they recovered. Once even, while Rami was speaking of something and Joe was going down on him, Ben had taken his phone to rely on Joe’s behalf so he didn’t miss out on the conversation. 

It was casual. A good friendship, to say the least. 

Ben swore not to buy anything else for his loft since he’d be leaving in two weeks, but he bought lube. Even had Joe go with him. He didn’t know what was a good buy. Flavored or regular. Warming or not. It was an interesting shopping trip, to say the least. 

Ben had to get a physical for an upcoming audition and decided to get tested as well. He was completely clean, something he nonchalantly shared with Joe one day over coffee and brunch.   
Joe was impressed and mentioned how he too had been checked just days before due to his regular checkups. 

The next time they had sex, they used warming lube and no condoms. It felt different. And Ben liked different. 

They were down to ten days when Ben spent the night over Joe’s for the first time. The loft was being checked out by some potential renters and he didn’t want to be there, so Joe offered up his place. He planned on staying the night but ended up staying the weekend. He put his things in the guest bedroom but never went in there. 

They hung out, drank expensive rum, talked about everything they could possibly talk about. There was no pressure. No disappointment. Joe danced along to the stereo, trying to make Ben smile. It didn’t take much. Ben danced as well, showing off some moves that he had learned while playing a male stripper in a soap opera. 

Joe was impressed and seemed to like having Ben on his lap but the mood shifted when the song changed to something smoother, something slower. Ben got up and took Joe’s hand, pulling him up so he could stand. It was silly at first, swaying together to the beat of the music. Neither knows who should lead. 

Ben had slow danced before. Events and such that called for it. Small rolls where the lead characters were at sock hops and what not. It didn’t take much. Eventually, the silliness ended and Joe wrapped himself up in Ben as the song played out. Ben rest his cheek against Joe’s shoulder, his eyes fluttering closed. The song was for a guy singing to a girl, talking about heartache and such but it didn’t matter. The meaning was still there. 

Ben didn’t realize how tight he was holding onto Joe until he saw his knuckles turn white. He flexed his fingers, pulling away just enough to look the other man in the eyes. There was a silent understanding between the two and they didn’t wait for the song to finish before closing the gap once more, their mouths sealed together like they were constructed to fit so properly. 

When they went to bed that night, there was no rushing again. They took their time removing their clothing, kissed and touched. It was so gentle, it made Ben want to scream. Only a handful of times had things been rushed and wild. Rough and heated. He loved those moments, but he loved this too. 

When he grabbed the lube from the draw, he handed it to Joe. The brunette paused, confused but he never got to question him. Ben kissed him once more, his tongue dancing along Joe’s easily. 

Bottoming hadn’t been something Ben thought of often. Joe never asked for a switch or made any movement to change it up. He always took control and decided who did what, but things were different now. It was past midnight now.

Nine days and counting. 

Ben didn’t know what he should expect from it. Joe certainly seemed to enjoy it and in the rare instance Ben checked out male on male porn, the stars were having a good time. He never got off to gay porn, but he couldn’t get off to lesbian porn either. Male and female worked every now and then but he had to be there to enjoy it. 

He was here now, either Joe, with his finger up his ass, lubing him up and helping him relax. It was new but he didn’t hate it. One finger turned to two. Joe kissed him the whole while, whipping things to him. Some were sweet. Some things literally made him laugh out loud and curse him to hell because really, who the fuck wants to laugh while they’re having sex? 

Eventually, it was enough. A good while of just working on him with fingers and Ben was finding himself antsy. Fingers were nothing compared to a cock but he could do this. Joe’s mouth was on his when he entered him and while a groan left his mouth, it wasn’t exactly painful. Nor pleasurable. 

A strange mixture of them both, something Ben would have to get used to. The lube was cold but Joe’s cock was warm and as he began to move he found himself remaining still. It was Joe who made the wise choice to jerk him off and that seemed to be key to this. The moment the man’s hand was on his cock he felt himself relax. 

He took over for Joe, letting the man focus solely on his hip movements. Joe’s mouth left him and began traveling along his neck and chest. Ben had many marks from Joe and Joe had many marks from Ben. They were equal there. 

When he finished, it was unexpected and took him utterly by surprise. His pale cheeks had turned a scarlet red, his colorful eyes hidden behind heavily closed lids. His hand and stomach were covered in his own spunk. He felt tired and dirty and so fucking joyful. 

Joe finished inside him, leaving him also feeling wet and open. Joe didn’t care so much about the sheets, choosing to change them later on before they went to bed. He had offered Ben an ice pack sometime later, while they were laying down and relaxing. While he made it seem as though he was teasing, his concern was genuine. Ben declined. He felt sore, but with each passing minute, it got less noticeable. 

“Is it always like that?” Ben had asked. They were dressed in their boxers and sleep pants. Ben helped change the sheets, hoping to be useful. “So intense?” He didn’t know if he meant bottoming or being with a male in general. 

Joe just shrugged it off, arching forward to get the sheet over the corner of the mattress. “Sometimes.” He answered. “Not all the time. I think it’s more about who your partner is.” 

Ben looked up then, finding Joe watching him. He didn’t know if he was supposed to say something. To agree with him. He said nothing but gave him a smile he hoped was enough. Joe didn’t push the conversation further, deciding to instead leap onto the bed once it was made, messing up the neat job they had just completed. 

“Oh right. Real mature.” Ben commented, yelping as Joe pulled him down onto the bed with him. They laid there laughing, Ben half on top of Joe. It was playful and silly. Something expected of teenagers with crushes, not two grown men with a sexual relationship.

They fell asleep together, wrapped up in the blanket and each other. When Ben woke up, he got a text from the landlord of the loft. They had someone who was interested and wanted to make sure Ben would still be out when he said he would be.

He sent a quick reply. 

Of course. 

Spending the entire weekend with Joe had been an experience all in its own. This strange American man who loved sports and video games, dinosaurs and old movies, continued to amaze Ben with every passing moment. 

How they had gone from a friend of a friend to being full blown buddies and lovers wowed the man to no end. Joe wasn’t someone Ben expected to be friends with. Not on any level. They were both passionate about their work, which was similar in its own way but yet so different. Ben had shown him the catalog of all the photoshoots Ben had done since he was a teen.

And while he made it seem like it was a whole load of bullocks, Joe was also incredibly impressed with Ben’s outlook. He could very easily make a career out of just standing there and looking pretty but he wanted more. He wanted the juicy, heavy roles that came deep within him and not just someone they can put a bit of makeup on and call it a day. 

Ben was also impressed with how Joe was handling himself, his constant writing and determination to bring the stories to life. He had been utterly heartbroken when the studios passed on his script, but he refused to give up. He kept working, kept coming up with amazing ideas.

Ben knew he had talent, knew he could act but Joe was something else. All of them — Rami, Gwilym, Allen —they were all phenomenal actors and would do great in their own fields, but Joe was the real deal. He had something none of them possessed. True, raw talent for bringing things — imaginations — to life. 

He wasn’t going to hold the man back, especially when good news seemed to come right around the corner. 

Joe called Ben and told him to come over just a few days after he spent the weekend with him. Seven days and counting, Joe told Ben he needed to see him right then and there. Ben had wondered what this was about but came right over. He had been meaning to see him anyway. He picked a place to donate all his stuff to and was hoping to cash in on that promise he had. 

When he walked into the place, already fully aware where the man hides the spare key. Joe was pacing back and forth, his hands in his hair and yelling loudly to himself rather sporadically. 

“Hey buddy,” He spoke carefully. "Did I come at a bad time?” Ben asked, catching the brunette’s attention. 

“No. I’m fine. Everything is fine.” Joe told him harshly. “I got a call from Rami. The guy directing his latest film is looking to do something more low-key and indie after their shoot and wants me to send him something.” He paused, waiting for a response. “A script, Ben! He wants to read one of my scripts!” 

“Joe, that’s fantastic.”

“No, Ben! It’s not fantastic. Okay, I have been here before. I get all excited and hopeful, and then they actually read it and they think its garbage and I’m left alone and sad, not knowing if I am even that good, to begin with.” 

“Oh come on, Joe. We both know how good of a writer you are.” 

“Not good enough obviously!” 

Ben made his way over to Joe, pausing his pacing as he placed his hands on the man’s shoulders. He held him there, forcing him to look his way. “You’re nervous. It’s understandable. But this is a good thing, Joe. A chance of a lifetime. And if that moron decides to pass on your script, then it’s on him. You’re a great writer and one day you will have your work up on the big screen.” 

“You have to say that, you’re my friend,” Joe muttered, rolling his eyes at Ben’s words. 

“Yeah, I am. A friend who cares about you and won’t let you speak badly about yourself.” Ben told him sternly. “You get in there and pick out the best fucking script you’ve ever written and given it to them. Show them what Joseph Mazzello is made of.” 

A quiet sigh escaped Joe’s lips and he turned his head to hide a smile that was breaking through. “You’re cute.” He told Ben, breaking away so he could turn towards his office.

“So I’ve been told.” Reaching down, Ben slapped his hand against Joe’s bottom, giving him a boost. “Now go!” 

Joe picked out a script. One he had worked on endlessly and shared with Ben in hopes of getting some decent feedback. The story was original and new. Something people could relate to. If the director didn’t fancy a story like that, then he could rightfully fuck off. 

As the final days began to wind down, Ben took care of everything else that needed to be done. He and Joe got rid of everything that he was donating and celebrated in Joe’s home. They finished the bottles of expensive rum and bourbon Ben had purchased, downing the final bottle cheerfully. 

Rami returned home from his honeymoon and while there was no point in throwing a goodbye party for Ben, he insisted that he come over regardless. Ben brought Joe with him, as expected though even Rami could see they were closer than usual. 

Joe was sitting with Lucy, looking over pictures she had taken while on their honeymoon, leaving Ben and Rami to sit by themselves. Ben had given Rami everything he wanted him to have and the things he wanted him to pass onto Gwilym. 

He must have been staring or something, because Rami was smirking to him, gesturing between the two as he spoke. “This is new.” 

Ben shrugged it off, bringing his drink to his mouth. They didn’t use labels. Didn’t try to define what they had. 

“Is he going with you? To London.” 

Ben shook his head, surprised by the question. “Why would he?” 

Why indeed. What would Joe even have in London other than Ben? Joe had a life here. A career. Friends. London was big and old and magical, sure but that didn’t mean he could just up and leave his life here. 

“I don’t know. Just seems sad. Breaking up and such. Will you be long distance?”

Ben shook his head once more, turning away from the view he had currently been watching. “It isn’t like that.” 

It was sexual, nothing more. He cared about Joe, but that didn’t mean anything. They were friends. Of course, he cared about him. You couldn’t exactly have a long distance sexual relationship. What, would they suck each other off through their webcams? 

It wouldn’t be a breakup. More like a break-off. Breaking off their fun and their intimacy. They weren’t in a relationship. Weren’t in love.

Or maybe they were. Maybe Joe was the best thing in Ben’s close? How was he to know? Sure, his heart fluttered every time he heard Joe speak and he longed to touch him in any way possible. Whether it was just a gentle caress with his fingertips or his legs wrapped around him as they had sex. 

Or maybe they were making love. Who fucking knew?

And who knew, maybe Joe felt the same thing. Maybe he’d miss Ben’s smile and laugh and mere existence that he’d want to come to London with him. Make a life there with him. Who knew, right? 

Rami dropped the conversation, but that didn’t mean it didn’t linger in Ben’s mind as the night went on. When they left Rami and Lucy’s place, Joe took him right to his own home. Didn’t ask. Didn’t question. They did what felt natural. 

There was an old-time typewriter in the back of Joe’s car. It made ben smile, despite the impending doom that was looming over them. They didn’t have sex, but they didn’t need to at this point. Just being together was comfortable enough. 

Five days and counting. 

Ben’s loft was more or less empty, save for the furniture, his luggage, and a few other pieces. He had been finishing up with his packing when he heard the pounding on the door. He answered it, yelping out as he was ambushed by Joe the moment he could make it through. His mouth was on his, kissing him in earnest. 

Ben kissed back but pushed him away eventually to see what the hell was going on. 

“He wants it.” He told him. “My script! He loves my script. He wants to work on it!” 

Ben felt like the world was spinning around them. Just mere days ago, Joe was down on the dumps, feeling like he wasn’t worth jack shit and here he was, practically walking on cloud nine. “Yes. YES! Fuck yes!’ 

Ben pulled him back, kissing Joe with every ounce of energy he had coursing through his body. It didn’t take much longer for his practically empty loft to be covered in their clothing. Celebratory sex was certainly one of Ben’s favorites and for a short moment, he hoped it was something they could do constantly. 

Joe was talking afterward, about the meetings he’d be going to in order to go over the technicalities. He had done small scale writing and directing, but never like this. It was so fresh and new. He was completely terrified but excited, to say the least. 

Ben was happy for him, but he’d be lying if he said his heart wasn’t crushed. While he hadn’t planned on asking Joe to flat out move to London with him, the possibility of coming every now and then for visits was an option. How could he do that now when he had his dream unfolding in front of him?

And just when he thought maybe LA wasn’t a complete waste, that maybe staying for a while longer wouldn’t be such a bad idea, his agent called. 

He had been asked to audition for some mini-series for the BBC. They saw his picture from the Dolce and Gabbana shoot and found that he fit the characters description. At first, he wanted to pass, thinking it was just another hot, brainless character. But when his agent sent the script, he found himself intrigued. 

He had never been offered a role like this. He hadn’t ever auditioned for one like this. He was typecast always but this was different. He agreed to come in, just one day after he was to arrive back in London though from what his agent spoke about, it seemed all he needed was a chemistry test with the leading actress and he’d be golden. 

Staying in the states wasn’t an option anymore. Three days down. And then two. 

Finally, he was left with just one. He looked over his empty loft, finding it bittersweet to be going like this. Grabbing his suitcase and the one box he had left to give up, Ben made his way out, letting the door close and lock behind him. 

Despite having been expecting him, Joe still looked surprised to see Ben showing up on his doorstep. In his arms was the collection of movie reels he had. He couldn’t think of anybody else he would rather have them. Joe laughed, taking the box and holding it tightly to his chest. 

The past few weeks had been like magic to them. They ignored the deadline and just enjoyed themselves, ultimately finding themselves getting too caught up in the fun they had stopped to take a breather. Placing the box in the corner, Joe offered Ben a drink, some toast. Ben wasn’t hungry, but he made no gesture to leave. 

He was there to stay. For the night anyway. 

They had to talk. They needed to, but they didn’t. Instead, they carried on like it was any other day. They relaxed, enjoyed one another’s company. They kissed and cuddled, made out on the couch like it was an everyday occurrence. They ordered in and had sex. 

Later on in the night, when they were supposed to be asleep, Ben found Joe sitting on the edge of the bed, brooding and thinking. He reached out to him, catching his attention. Tears slid down his face and Joe laughed bitterly, wiping them away. 

Joe offered a whisper of an apology, turning so he could turn off the light. Ben sat there, staring out into the darkness. He wanted to question the tears, ask him what was wrong, but he knew his words would be pointless. 

Ben felt like crying as well, but he didn’t. Instead, he accepted being miserable, accepted the fact that he was a pathetic fool. 

He would miss California for the fantastic weather and beautiful people. He’d miss the small jobs he easily grabbed and the half decent food he was able to order in. He’d miss going out and singing along to classic songs, watching the lyrics scroll up on the karaoke machine. 

He’d miss doing absolutely nothing and still having the time of his life because he had an amazing guy by his side. 

He’s miss Joe’s smile and laugh. How animated he seemed at times. How dramatic and erratic and amusing. The way his eyes light up when he was happy. How he always put his friends' happiness before his own. 

Ben wondered if he ever made Joe happy. He wondered if Joe knew how happy he had made Ben.

He would miss Joe in every way possible. And while it should have been easy enough, to just open up his mouth and say the words, he didn’t. 

Instead, he pulled Joe into him, wrapping his arms around him as his head nestled against his next and shoulder. 

He didn’t expect it to hurt this much. The silence. 

He should have said something. He still could, but what was the point? Their days were up. Morning came and Ben had to go. He had a life in London. A job offer. A chance to make his dreams come true. And Joe had all of that right here. 

Fate was pulling them apart and it had to be for a reason. 

A God awful, shitty fucking reason, but a reason nonetheless. 

When the sun came up and the blasting alarm forced them from their slumber, the two men broke apart. They moved around the room like strangers sharing a dorm. They dressed, barely sharing a glance as Ben checked and double checked his luggage. He didn’t have much after all. 

Ben planned to take an Uber, but Joe just grabbed his keys, telling him he’d be out in the car. Ben followed reluctantly, tossing his bag into the back seat beside the typewriter and hopped into the front seat beside the man. 

The drive to the airport was quiet. Neither had anything to say, causing the silence to be so much more deafening. When they arrive, Joe paid for parking, following him inside. He made sure Ben got to the right gate and waited with him. 

He held his hand tightly, out in the open, for the world to see, as they sat together waiting for them to make the boarding call. 

When they did, Ben didn’t go. Not right away. He just kept waiting. Just kept holding this man’s — his man’s — hand. Only when the final call came about did Joe finally stand to his feet, pulling Ben along with him. 

They stood before one another, both shifting awkwardly on the balls of their feet. Joe was the first to speak, cocking his head so they were staring one another down, eye to eye.

“Show those fuckers at the BBC how it’s done,” Joe told him sternly. 

“Save me a seat at the premiere,” Ben replied back. 

They both made the first move, closing the gap to bring their lips together. It was their first kiss where the entire world could see them. And maybe it would be their last. Ben hoped it wasn’t. When he pulled away, he could still feel Joe’s thumb tracing along his cheekbone. It was a feeling he never wanted to forget. 

He walked away from Joe, reluctantly letting go of his hand so he could board the plane. Only when he was settled in his seat, looking at the background image on his phone (a picture of himself and Joe at some party) did he realize they had never actually said goodbye. 

And they wouldn’t. Not in a million years. Because this wasn’t goodbye. He’d see Joe again. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe in ten years from now. 

But eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Songs that inspired this. 
> 
> Lie To Me: 5 Seconds of Summer
> 
> Love Someone: Lukas Graham
> 
> I Will: The Beatles


	3. Part Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I seriously didn't plan on writing this but dammit, my heart broke along with everybody elses so here it is.  
> 1) i know nothing about award shows  
> 2) i know nothing about Ben's tattoo -- i just took the ideas twitter was sharing and ran with it.  
> 3) christ i love those guys

It was three hundred and sixty-nine days later that he finally saw Joe again. He had seen him through technology. FaceTime and Instagram updates and what not. They would chat whenever they had time and the group chats with the other guys were still up and running. They were involved and connected but not as much as they’d like to be. 

The miniseries turned out to be a hit, far more than anybody ever expected. Ben got to travel all over the world. Wales and Scotland. He had met up with Allen in Ireland and stumbled into Gwilym in Vancouver. He had plans to head back to LA but they always fell through and while he found a strange comfort in being in his homeland once again, it wasn’t the same as sitting out on the beach, soaking up the sun. 

With the mini-series being as successful as it was, the BBC was discussing it becoming something of an anthology series. Each season a different story to tell with different characters, but the same actors. 

American Horror Story had been thrown around all over Twitter, but Ben didn’t care too much. He knew what they were doing was great and was glad to be a part of it. He was being seen as something more than just a pretty face. A real actor with real talent. People were impressed. People wanted more. 

Ben wanted more too. He had done interviews and other auditions. He got callbacks. Lots of them. Chemistry test and what not. Things were looking up. The future was bright for Ben Hardy, but yet so dark at the same time. 

There was no denying that he missed Joe and while London offered a lot to him that didn’t make the longing any less painful. He had been to clubs and parties. He met dozens of interesting people, beautiful people, but they never mattered. 

He never went home with anyone, mostly because his home was over a thousand miles away. He buried himself into work, deciding that his main focus was going to be his career. Whenever anybody interviewing him would ask about his love life, he kept it short and sweet. 

There’s someone out there for him somewhere. 

Ben knew where he was and someday the world would know too. 

The closest Ben got to California was when the cast had been invited to a press release and extra interviews in San Diego. They had their own little panel, something to meet the fans. There were talks about it recently being uploaded onto Netflix, bringing in a whole new array of fans. It was a wild ride, to say the least. 

Ben had contacted Joe, to see if he would be interested in meeting up, but to his dismay, he was forced to decline. It appeared creating a mini-series took less time than making a film and Joe would be on location in Boston when Ben was in San Diego. 

So close and yet so far. 

He tried not to let it bother him. The experience in itself was phenomenal. Meeting fans and getting his name out there was great and meeting up with Rami was also a treat. He was raving about the series and how great it was for him. How hard he had worked and how nice it was to see it all paid off. 

Ben was pleased, but he wasn’t happy. Not even when his agent called him bright and early in the morning, waking him to tell him the series had been nominated for a BAFTA. It was an honor. One Ben hadn’t ever dreamt of. He was ecstatic and had plenty of people to celebrate with.

Just not who he wanted to. 

He didn’t push the issue, however. Didn’t bother Joe more than he should have. He was a grown man with a career of his own to focus on and Ben wanted him to enjoy the same thing he was feeling. 

The acknowledgment. The praise. Joe deserved it all. In Ben’s opinion, Joe deserved the whole fucking world and if that meant Ben had to step aside so he could live his life without him in it, then so be it. 

Even if it really fucking sucked. 

They kept texting. Sometimes even flirting. Joe wasn’t a very good sexter. He would try to be, try to send a selfie of him biting his lip or giving a bit of a cheeky smirk but it always came out looking adorable. Ben would send something back and get a reply about how unfair it was. Looking sexy came naturally to Ben. It’s how his face was made, how his body was sculpted. 

Little did Joe realize that Ben found him utterly and completely gorgeous even with the silly glances and dorky smiles.

They never tried to have sex over Skype, but they didn’t need to. Talking was more intimate than anything for them. Just to hear his voice made Ben automatically relax. Some days he would be so stressed out he wanted to rip his hair from his scalp, but hearing Joe speak, even if was just about the bloody weather, it was enough to calm his nerves. 

They had exchanged gifts at Christmas time, little things that made one think of the other. Joe had gone to the Bronx zoo to shoot some scenes for the movie and got Ben a stuffed lion toy. It was reminiscent of Ben’s tattoo, the one Joe used to bite and kiss and lick all those months ago. 

Ben got Joe a complete collection of Gene Kelly films. It was hard to get them all, but he had the time and effort and even the money. Joe told him he loved him when he opened it. It was a small, sweet confession that could have been caused by how blown away he was at the first.

Ben replied with the very same as he held the stuffed lion to his chest. It had a collar on it with a little “J” hanging from it. The lion sat on his dresser at night, watching over him. The collar wrapped around his wrist easily as a wristband. The tiny “J” hung gently. 

Pictures had been taken of him every now and then and people speculated what the “J” stood for. He never said the real answer. He would just shrug and let people decide for themselves. He didn’t want people knowing. Not because he was ashamed, but because they didn’t deserve to be a part of it. Apart from his life, his love, when they couldn’t even be together. 

It didn’t bother him that he said he loved Joe in such a lazy way. A mere ‘ditto buddy’ spoken over Skype as they opened up Christmas presents as they sat on other parts of the world. Taking time out of their busy schedules just to be together. 

When the award show came about, Ben didn’t get a designer tux. He didn’t need it. He dressed well enough on his own and when he got ready, he left his phone on the charger. He counted down the minutes until his car would come about. He read the cards his agent had sent him, preparing for questions that might have been answered. 

When he left, he forgot his phone at home but didn’t dwell on it. Not until he was in the car alone, realizing he had no way to contact anyone. Not his agent, or his cast mates, or friends. Or Joe. 

When he arrived on the red carpet, he found his place in line and did the usual sort. He answered questioned, smiled for the cameras. He stumbled onto Rami and Lucy, who was looking more wonderful than always. Award shows were fun but even Ben had to appreciate the clothing you could wear. 

He had dressed for enough designers to know what looked good on him. He went with all black, from head to show. It made his hair and eyes pop just a bit more. The married couple was searched for Gwilym, someone Ben didn’t even know would be coming. It dawned on him that Gwilym’s own series had been nominated, as well as a film Lucy had been involved in. 

Ben felt terrible for spacing out on his friend's lives focusing solely on his own. 

Ben apologized, explaining his lack of cellular phone. The two rolled their eyes but insisted he finds the man. When they headed inside, Ben slipped to the bathroom before heading to his seat. He was hoping to shake off some nerves and splashed water on his face. There was no attendant offering a towel or mints or whatever. Ben didn’t mind. He liked the privacy until the door opened. 

He turned, prepared to scoot passed the next man and find his seat beside his costars, but someone blocked his way. 

Someone in a handsome tuxedo and combed back hair. Someone with slight scuff that made him look older, more sophisticated. Someone who made Ben want to jump for joy. 

“Who the fuck goes to an award show and leaves their phone at home?” Joe asked him, his arms crossed over his chest as he grilled the blond man. 

He looked playfully annoyed, like a father punishing his son for going out after curfew. Ben just stared at him in absolute awe. Mouth dropped, eyes wide. Wet hands forgot. 

“What the actual fuck are you doing here?” Ben demanded.

He was here. Dressed to impress. He was mostly clean shaven, aside from a bit of scruff along the edges of his jaw. His hair was combed back and he looked so grown up. Joe could make farmer chic look hot, so to put him in a clean cut suit was enough to make Ben weak in the knees.

“Gwilym got invited.” He told him easily enough. “He had a plus one. So I tagged along.” 

It was in this moment Ben didn’t know if he wanted to snog Gwilym Lee or knock his bloody lights out. Ben too had the option of bringing a date but didn’t bother asking Joe. He seemed to on course with his schedule that he didn’t want to push him over by asking him to drop everything to come to London for the event. 

Ben felt like a fucking fool and resisted the urge to slam his head into the nearby mirror. 

“How the hell did you find time to come here?” 

“We wrapped earlier this week,” Joe explained, finally taking a step closer. Only a foot between them now. Over in the corner was a door that could be opened at any moment. Ben didn’t give a damn. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He whispered, almost hurt by it. 

Joe’s expression softened. “Surprise.” He replied back. 

“You’re a bastard, you know that?” Ben closed the gap between them, pulling Joe in for a tight embrace. 

All the anxiety he had been harboring up to this point melted away the moment he was in Joe’s arms. He hadn’t felt this right since they were wrapped up in one another, locked away in Ben’s old loft, with only his sheets keeping them at bay. 

When the door opened and another man made his way through, neither pulled away. They kept the embrace going until it just became too obscene. 

“We better head out. My date is waiting.” Joe mentioned and Ben rolled his eyes, pushing the brunette by the shoulder out the door. 

There was a short introduction with Gwilym when they got to the waiting hall. Gwilym had no intention of bringing a date, but he found it quite sad how utterly heartbroken Joe was having not seen their old pal Ben in so long. 

Ben didn’t know if Gwilym knew about him and Joe and he was just teasing them or he was genuinely trying to be a good friend and bring Joe along with such a prestigious award show. Either way, Ben was grateful to the gentle giant. 

He tried not to let the silly jealousy get over him when he saw Joe and Gwilym taking pictures. It was a new era when while Gwilym had never particularly said he preferred men over women, the people on the red carpet must have had a field had at the sight of the two.

Ben knew how much of a touchy-feely type person Joe was so he could only imagine what the pictures would look like. Joe dramatically draping himself over Gwilym to make the scene more than it was. 

He clenched his teeth as the idea and stepped closed to Joe, cutting Gwilym in line and breaking the two apart carefully. 

They stood in a group, waiting to find their places. Ben ran his pinky along Joe’s hand and the man easily laced their hidden fingers together. A million tiny sparks ran through their skin like it was a live wire set ablaze. 

They were seated separately, which seemed like the most impractical torture to Ben. They stood together, being so close and yet so far away. When Ben was escorted to his seat, he let go of Joe’s hand, making a silent promise to hold it once this whole thing was over.

Going to a show like this should have been everything Ben dreamed of and deep down it was. But at the same time, he would have been more than happy to get up out of his seat and walk out if it meant dragging Joe along with him. 

Every now and then Ben would turn and catch a glance at him. He was seated with Gwilym and his table, a bunch of people Ben either knew from working or were total strangers to him. Ben’s own table with lively and exciting, but he didn’t care too much. He spoke when spoken to and smiled whenever the camera was on him, but when it wasn’t he was searched for Mazzello. 

When they were allowed to move about. Ben would go to their table or make his way to Rami’s with Joe in tow. They were never too far apart, only when they were forced back into their respected seats. 

When the award came up, Ben’s series lost, much to the disappointment to his cast and crew. He didn’t mind so much, knowing they had more seasons to work on, more chances to win. 

Joe was angrier than anybody, demanding a recount. They sat together afterward, with the world probably thinking Ben was drunk. He was smiling and relaxed, his head resting on Joe’s shoulder as he demanded the academy take the series into consideration as one of the best things ever created. 

Christ, he was so in love with this man. 

When it was all said and done and those who had won were taken away with their awards, the losers were allowed to leave. Rami and Gwilym were chatting away, discussing which afterparty they should be going to. Ben’s cast members told him they’d see him there (wherever there actually was) and Lucy mentioned how Allen, though not invited to the event itself, would be at one of the parties. 

Ben had absolutely no interest in any party. And to his relief, neither did Joe. With a short goodbye to their friends and no explanation, the two went to Ben’s car and left the theater. The moment they were in the car, Ben pounced on him. 

Joe was still seething with disdain and betrayal, swearing he would write a letter to those who chose who won and who lost, insisting that while he may be an American, he knew what good film was. Ben silenced him with a kiss, one that he had been waiting one year and four days to have. 

Joe melted into the kiss, his hand and thumb doing that wonderful thing it did when he held Ben’s face in his palm. When they pulled away, Ben ran his nose along Joe’s jaw, the soft hairs of his chin tickling his skin.

“Way better than some after party,” Ben swore, leaning in to suck against the red of Joe’s bottom lip. 

“As much as I would love to literally ride you into oblivion and allow you to completely devour me, I haven’t eaten since this morning,” Joe told him against his lips. “And all Gwilym keeps in his place is crackers and goat cheese.”

“Anything,” Ben promised, pulling Joe closer to him like if he didn’t hold onto him the man would roll out of the bloody car. “Whatever you want. Just say the word.” 

Joe thought about it, humming dramatically before kissing Ben once more. He kept his promise and took Joe to the one place he was hungry for, which strangely happened to be a McDonalds. This fucking American man was going to be the death of him. 

And he would die happily.

The two men walked in, well after the appropriate time to enter a McDonalds, dressed to the nines with slick back hair and hungry stomachs. They ordered way more food than either of them needed, practically eating it there because they were lazy and then taking the rest back to Ben’s place. 

Joe had snapped a picture of them for the group chat, as the lads were curious to know where they had gone off to despite it being incredibly obvious. When they got back to Ben’s home, which for the first time since he began living in it actually felt like a home now that Joe was around, the blond went to grab his phone. 

He had dozens of missed messages, both from his friends and castmates. People looking for him at the parties, his agent telling him not to worry about the loss and focus on his upcoming audition. 

In a rare moment of spontaneous excitement, Ben stole the picture Joe had taken of them and posted it to Twitter. He was sure the interwebs would literally explode and he partially wanted it to happen. Ben wanted to watch the world burn as he sat by the man he loved. 

He made it public, captioning it that not everybody who lost went home a loser and tagged Joe for good measure. 

Joe got the notification, smirking as he retweeted the post, replying that he was STILL writing that letter. 

“You know. That’s pretty romantic for a guy who isn’t gay.” Joe spoke boldly. 

Ben just shrugged, pulling off his suit jacket. He tossed it blindly on the couch, going to unbutton his shirt. Joe followed in suit, leaving their clothes along the floor without a care. When they got to the bed, they fell on top of it with ease. 

Gentle kisses were surprising for two men who were equally touched-starved as they were. Sex could wait, just for a few moments longer. Ben was kissing along Joe’s face, nuzzling into him, just breathing him in. For a moment, it felt like he forgot what this felt like. What he smelt like. 

Ben wanted to imprint himself onto the man. To never leave his side. His phone was blowing up, but he didn’t care. The world could burn in hell at this point. 

“I hope you realize I’m not letting you go now,” Ben told him bravely, catching Joe’s eyes as he turned to look to him. 

Ben could keep him in this bed, in this city, if it was the last thing he did. Or he would follow him back to LA or Boston or New York. Wherever he needed to be. They would make it work, one way or another. The series only took a few weeks to shoot and then he was free. He could bounce back and forth. 

Maybe one day their careers would be so massive they would only have to do one project a year. And spend the rest of their days laying together like this, nearly naked in bed, comfortable and content and absolutely head over heels for one another.

“Oh, I don’t plan on leaving buddy,” Joe told him, laughing peacefully. “It’s a wrap on the film. Now starts the fun part.” 

Ben leaned forward and kissed him. And kissed him and kissed him and kissing them even as they shed the last bits of clothing they had on. Until they were completely naked with the only thing Ben was wearing was the collared wristband with the “J” on it. A constant reminder he refused to take off. 

Maybe the “J” stood for joy because that's what he was feeling right now. Absolute joy. And happiness. 

And when he slid inside him, Ben finally remembered what it felt like to be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. I also have another idea. But its a lot harder. Like. Much darker. So if this made you emotional maybe the next one will too. 
> 
> I also have a tumblr, under the same name here (writeyourownlifestory) so follow me if you want to cause I am a huge slut for BoRhap and Hardzello and Deacy and Joe. 
> 
> You should also check out the song I got the title for: Lukas Graham's "Love Someone" because it's a bop, it slaps and its romantic as fuck.


	4. Part Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all, this was NOT planned. This is all because of Joe Mazzello. Jesus Christ, these boys OWN me. 
> 
> Please enjoy!

 

They had been together (truly, together. Open and out with no regrets or worries) for a year when Ben decided he wanted to marry Joe.

Well, to be honest, he knew he wanted to marry Joe a week after they first started sleeping together. It was a sunny afternoon. They had taken a break from clearing out Ben’s old loft and decided to take advantage of the gorgeous weather.

It was always wet in London. Always rainy and dirty. On tv and in movies, they make the city seem more magical than it really was. Don’t get Ben wrong, he loved the place like no tomorrow and he was eager (at that point at least) to return to it. But it was dark and cold most of the time.

California was warm and welcoming. Lots of pretty people filled with dreams welcoming you with open arms. They went to the beach and sat in the sand, drinking beer and eating food truck tacos.

They had been talking about the ups and downs of their careers. Joe told him about all the auditions he had been one and mentioned the worst of them all. Some pilot show about space or whatever. Ben didn’t even know if the damn thing got picked up, but it didn’t matter because he wasn’t apart of it. He auditioned for the role of one of the scientist and was more or less laughed out of the room.

Nobody took him seriously. All kept commenting on how good looking he was and how he was far too handsome to play a scientist. Like to the tv world, all scientist were ugly, unfuckable nerds. Someone suggested putting glasses on him, but apparently, that just made it worse.

When Ben returned home, he broke almost all the mirrors in his loft. It was shit to replace, but at the time it felt like the right move to make.

“These fucking people, man. They don’t care about talent anymore. All they want is someone who looks the part so they can put them up on the building board.” Joe had grumbled, taking a larger than life bite of his taco.

Gwilym had teased him about it once, how Joe could practically unhinge his jaw like a snake. It came in handy in the bedroom and Ben focused on his own meal to keep those thoughts at bay.

“If it’s any consolation, I think you’d make an amazing scientist. With or without glasses.” Joe told him after a moment of silence where they just listened to the waves and munched on their tacos. “You’re more than a pretty face, you know that? A hell of a lot more.” Joe added.

The conversation ended there but Ben already knew he was falling in love with that man. With Joe fucking Mazzello.

Ben did end up playing a scientist and was damn well nominated for an Emmy because of it. His show was doing better and better and had been picked up by HBO for extended seasons. He had people coming to him now, wanting him to audition for this part or that part. It was more than he could have ever imagined.

He and Joe traveled together whenever they could and found different places to live based on where they needed to be. If he was shooting in Vancouver, they rented a small cottage along the green grass. In LA, Joe kept his home, which had ultimately become their home. If it was London, then Ben had his own flat that they could go home to.

It was so strange, calling places like this home. Before, they had just been places that he’d stay between here and there, but with Joe, they were his home.

Joe was his home.

Ben had gotten a dog in between shooting episodes. A small little pup that he had named Frankie that he adored to the end of the earth and back. Joe loved her too and Ben couldn’t ignore the way his heart soared when he saw them together. Whether it was playing with one of her toys or cuddling on the couch together.

They were one big happy family and Ben wanted to make it legal.

He had been thinking it over for a while not, trying to plan out the perfect proposal. He didn’t want to just get down on his knee. This was Joe. This was the man that got him out of his funk and made him feel like he walked on air. No, no. Joe deserved something special.

He had spoken about it with everyone. With Gwilym, and Rami, and Allen. They all thought it over one night over a Skype chat while Joe was out finishing up some editing on his latest film. They had gone over everything. From amusement parks or film locations. To dinner on the beach to going back to the place where they had first kissed.

Nothing seemed right.

It had been pestering Ben for nearly a week when Joe suggested they go out. They didn’t eat out often. Mostly just worked on something from Blue Apron or ordered in from the places around them. But sometimes they liked to dress up and go out. So they did. They put on nice clothes, nicer than usual, got an actual reservation and went to dinner.

Ben thought about popping the question right then and there. He even had the ring. It was a gorgeous band. White gold with a bit of green going around it. It was Joe’s favorite color because it was the color of Ben’s eyes. That's what he had told him one night while in bed. Wrapped up in one another after an amazing round of sex in their new home.

It was a sweet confession and Ben never forgot about it.

Sometime after their meal, Ben began drifting off into his own head. He thought about just jumping into it. About telling Joe just how much he meant to him and how he can’t wait to spend the rest of his life with him.

“Benny!” The blond looked up, confused. “Where did you go?” Joe asked him softly.

Ben smiled, knowing that he had gotten lost in his own head. Lost thinking about the lovely man sitting before him.

“Sorry. Just…thinking.”

“Well, do you think you can hold that thought? I have something I wanted to talk about.” Joe told him. He was sitting up, pulling on his jacket. He was looking professional yet so adorable. “Now that my second film is basically finished, all that's left is for the release. After that, I’m free as a bird.”

“It’s going to be exciting, having some free home.”

They’d both be finished with their work around the same time. It was wonderful for them. They could travel if they wanted to or just stay home. Whatever they wanted.

“Actually, I was hoping I could offer you something. A new role.”

“A role?” Ben mimicked. “You want to shoot something together?”

It had been thought about by some people. Different producers and investors who liked the idea of Joe directing his boyfriend now that his career was taking off. It had been joked about, especially since Joe had considered hiring Rami or even Gwilym for his next flick. But they never took it seriously. They didn’t want to work on some fancy vanity project.

“Something like that. Now picture this: you’re a thirty-something-year-old English man. Booming career, beautiful house. Adorable dog. You have everything…except the one thing you never thought you’d need.”

“Sounds a bit out of our element, Joe.”

Joe didn’t write romantic films. He stuck to more realistic troupes. Not that romance wasn’t something he knew about. They had a very good relationship, one Ben was proud of, but neither used that for their work.

“Well, isn’t that the whole point of art? Stepping out of our comfort zones?”

He had a point. With his show, Ben was always put on the spot and made to act out things he never thought he’d ever had to act out. He was pushed to the limit and it made him a better actor. And if doing something like this with Joe would push him to the limit, maybe it would also make him a better man.

“All right then.” Ben decided. “I’m interested. What’s the role?”

Joe beamed eagerly and shifted in his seat. In one smooth move, he was out of his seat and on the floor kneeling. His hand lifted and sitting between his pointer finger and thumb sat a ring.

“My husband,” Joe told him.

“What?” Ben looked between Joe and the ring. The ring and Joe. Back and forth. Back and forth. Oh, this son of a bitch. “Are you joking? Are you actually serious right now?”

“Do you think I’d be on my knees if I wasn’t?”

“This is…bullocks!” Ben stood to his feet, ignoring Joe’s look of confusion as his hand dug deep into his pockets. He searched, finally finding the box he had been searching for inside his inner jacket pocket.

He held it out for him, flipping the lid up so Joe could see the ring inside.

“No,” Joe muttered, his face warping into a huge smile. “Same mind!”

“I can’t believe this,” Ben muttered, laughing as he shook his head. He moved to kneel along with him, taking the ring out of the box to hold it up to the brunet. “Well?”

It wasn’t how Ben had wanted to ask him, but he couldn’t think of anything better than for them. Two beautiful idiots in love asking one another to marry the other at the very same time.

“Technically, I asked you first,” Joe told him carefully.

“Bloody fuck, Joe.”

“You didn’t even ask me. I gave you a whole speech. I made up a film and everything.”

“Joe. Shut up.” Ben held the ring up once more. “Will, you, Joseph Francis Mazzello the third, do me the honor of making me the happiest man on the planet and marry me?”

Joe looked up between Ben, his hazel eyes shining in the lights around them. He reached forward, placing his hand on Ben’s. “I still asked first.”

“JOE!”

“Yes!” The brunet laughed, pulling him in and kissing him with as much passion and happiness that he could muster.

When they broke apart and engaged rings, they were smiling like idiots. Joe’s ring was beautiful, yes, but Ben’s was extravagant. Similar in color and style to the one Ben had chosen, but instead of a strip of green, there was a bit of shimmer to it. Perhaps feminine to most, but Ben adored it endlessly.

They went home walking on air and when they went to bed, they kissed and cuddled, with Frankie between them for good measure. It was perfect.

The actual wedding didn’t come until a month later. They didn’t put much planning into it, mostly because it felt more like the whole thing was more for their friends and family rather than them. All Ben and Joe cared about were making their union legal. Everything else could fall apart and they wouldn’t give a damn.

And because of that mindset, they had sort of missed out on a couple of things. Like what they were supposed to have for food and what cake to serve. They went to tastings and such but they were so eager to just get it over with by the end of the month so they could just start their honeymoon.

The only reason why they didn’t just throw caution to their wind and get hitched in Vegas was that they were fairly certain their family would never forgive them. After all, this was meant to be a big, beautiful Hollywood wedding. Keeping it small and simple wasn’t an option.

So they allowed other people to make decisions for them while they just kept counting down the days until finally, it arrived.

There was no bachelor party because they didn’t need one. They wanted to get married. They wanted to be together so celebrating their apparent freedom wasn’t something they cared for. They were forced apart the night before, which hurt deeply since they had done a damn good job at ever sleeping apart since they got together.

Their wedding party was small for the most part. There were no groomsmen or maids of honor. Frankie was their flower girl and she did a fantastic job. Ben wore mostly white, knowing it brought out the color of his hair and eyes well enough. Joe walked down with his mother and Ben could feel his throat tightening at the mere sight of him.

They wrote their own vows which seemed a bit like cheating since Joe literally got paid to write things. They kept them short and to the point. Words of love exchanged between two grown men who couldn’t be happier at this moment.

Their wedding bands were exchanged and shined brightly in the lights around them and when the time came to have their first kiss, Joe grabbed him by the lapel and slammed their lips together for a joyously needy kiss.

Their guest threw flower petals as they walked hand in hand back down the aisle and while it was a tradition for them to take pictures, Joe and Ben took the moment to sneak away for the moment to make up for the hours they missed.

They smiled and kissed and just kept on laughing at how utterly amazing it was. They were married. They were fucking husbands. It couldn’t get better than that.

Except it did because their wedding reception was everything. They danced and laughed and ate whatever it was they actually chose to get. They snapped pictures and said hello to everyone. Rami and Lucy left early, with their newborn in tow. Ben had caught sight of Joe holding the little fella and if that wasn’t something Ben thought he needed in his life (Joe with a baby) then it certainly was now.

Everybody was dancing and having fun, but Joe and Ben wanted more. The food was good and who didn’t love shoving cake into the face of the one you love? Still, it all seemed so fancy and professional. It just wasn’t them.

So what were two newlyweds to do? Leave their own wedding and find the nearest 7-11 of course!

There was one down the street from the venue and Joe was smart enough to bring his wallet. They spent their time finding what they wanted. Skittles and Slushies and warm pretzels. They were laughing and smiling still. Like teenagers who just snuck away to get snacks after prom.

Who the fuck does this on their wedding night? Two people who were truly in love, that's who.

Eventually, they had to leave, mostly due to the fact that Ben was getting a bit too much into the mood and was starting to catch attention as he danced along to the radio.

They had their arms full by the time they finished and dropped it all off on the desk. The girl behind the counter didn’t bat an eye, not even once.

“We just got married,” Joe told her, looking to Ben lovingly.

“Congrats.” She answered, totaling them out.

Joe tossed down the money, not even caring about the change as both men grabbed the bags and headed out. They went straight to their honeymoon sweet and spread their treats out on the bed. They ate until they were full and they tossed the rest onto the floor so they could consummate their union and be full of each other.

It was a good life, they had together and Ben was very excited to start living it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I know this isn't as popular as '39 or APS but I adore this fic endlessly. I hope you all enjoyed it. 
> 
> Please tell me what you thought!
> 
> The song that mostly inspired this was If The Love Fits by Leslie Pearl. Check it out when you can!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, I am so weak for these booooooys!!!!

Ben always thought he had his life planned out. He knew he wanted to act, to be up on the big screen, or even the small screen or stage. It never mattered to him. So long as he was out there, with his name up in lights, he was content. 

Many things had changed in the past few years. Gone was the young man trying his best to get his name out there, trying and failing to book any audition he could get. Even if he got an audition getting a call back was even less likely. But that was before.

Now his name was known to the whole world. He had a hit show that continued to get renewed for more seasons. A film he had been in was nominated for an Oscar and he did a play on Broadway just for the hell of it. People were saying he’d get nominated for a Tony and even more people were saying he’d win.

It didn’t seem real. Even if this had been his goal all along, this is what Ben had worked far, it just seemed too good to be true. Ben continued to go to bed expecting to wake up back in his old childhood home. Back to no call backs or audition offers. Back to being a nobody.

But it never happened. He woke up every morning in a giant bed, in a beautiful home, and a loving husband by his side. 

Joe was his number one supporter through it all and Ben was Joe’s. Their careers skyrocketed together, with Joe going back and forth between writing and acting and directing. They had only worked together once, but it was an experience neither would ever forget. 

Joe had written and directed an extended episode of Ben’s show and even had a small part in it. Somehow Ben had persuaded him to take a small role in it so they’d be in a scene together and it was the most fun they’ve ever had together. The world practically exploded when it was released and now there was the talk of a possible Emmy. 

Neither man allowed themselves to dwell on that, however. No, they had bigger things to focus on. 

They had been married for three years, living in absolute bliss. Their careers were on the right track and just continued to go up and up and up. They had different homes they’d go to finally found a staple in California. It wasn’t a mansion but it was large and it had a back yard with green grass for Frankie to run on.

Life was good but they knew it could be great. 

Ben never thought he’d ever become a father. He had babysat his little cousins and such but children just weren’t things he really thought of. He guessed if he married a woman and she fell pregnant than they’d deal with it but that wasn’t what fate had planned him. He married and man and try as they might, pregnancy just wasn’t in the cards for them.

When the conversation came about, it was after Joe’s family had come to visit. His nieces and nephews were adorable and the way Joe was around them made Ben’s chest hurt. He was like this with all the children that he interacted with. Joe was a natural behind the camera but being around children was like second nature.

Ben was filled with so much love and devotion to this man. He could see it in Joe’s eyes. He wasn’t just the fun uncle. He wanted to be a father. 

He deserved to be a father and Ben would be damned if he stood in the way of that. 

The conversation came up smoothly. They were laying in bed, finally alone. Frankie was asleep at the bottom of the bed, curled up with her toys. It was comfortable and casual, just thinking it over. Joe was beaming and Ben was smiling back. The idea alone was enough to make them giddy like teenagers. 

“You’re serious,” Joe mentioned, rolling onto his side so he was facing his husband. “You actually want to do this?” 

“I’m in if you’re in buddy,” Ben told him. 

Joe answered him with a kiss, rolling them over until they were wrapped up in one another.

They had a lot to go over. For one, how they wanted o do this. They could adopt and the idea was something Ben was interested in. There were kids that needed good homes and they could offer that.

But they were also selfish. They had the idea of having their own biological child. A pretty little thing that was half of one of them. Who could want more? 

They went with the latter option though adoption was something they would keep open in the future. They thought about doing it completely anonymous. Using a random donation that they had chosen and a random surrogate they had also chosen. 

But they didn’t have to make that decision. Before they knew it, they had people ready and willing to help them make their dream come true. Lucy has stepped up, ready to be their girl. She and Rami were parents of their own little ones. She handled her pregnancy’s well and birthing wasn’t the worst for her.

They didn’t accept at first thought they wanted to. They wanted to do this on their own and didn’t want to drag anybody else into their business. But they had to admit that Lucy’s children were wonderful. She had good genes and a beautiful look to her. Having a kid with her wouldn’t be the worst in the world. 

When they did accept it was the most exciting thing in the world. They went out and celebrated with the couple, all four of them ready to take on the world. They would do it quietly, deciding to keep it out of the public eye for now. The only thing they had to decide on who the father would be.

Joe wanted Ben and Ben wanted Joe. They very well couldn’t both do it unless they pulled an NPH and David B, deciding to go with twins. They didn’t hate the idea but they were new to this and wanted just one child.

So they played dirty. When it was time to give the sample they both took one for the team and gave it up. They didn’t label the containers and instead allowed fate to make the decision on which one worked out. It wasn’t very proper and it wasn’t very professional but they didn’t give a damn. 

When Lucy told them it stuck, that she was pregnant, it was the greatest thing in the world. She had called them on the way back from the doctors, telling them all the information. Joe had answered and was so excited he ran outside to the yard to tell Ben, only to bodyslam right into him, knocking them both into the pool.

Their clothes were wet and Joe’s phone sunk all the way to the bottom, but it didn’t fucking matter.

They were going to be parents. Who the fuck thought that would happen?

Who the fuck would have thought that these two men would go from casual friends to husbands with a child on the way? 

They did everything they could with Lucy. They went to doctor appointments and breathing classes. Joe went to mommy-to-be yoga with her and Ben took them all shopping. They decided not to find out what they were having. They liked a bit of surprise even if it killed his husband inside. 

They made up to them to the best of their ability. The walls were painted green and had different animals added to it. They had stars painted on the ceilings and Joe found an old fashion crib that looked divine. It was Ben’s favorite room in the house and it would be even better when the baby was actually there.

And to their surprise, the child would be there sooner than excepted. Lucy went into labor a week early. They were there of course. Sitting in the hospital in well-dressed tuxes. They had been on their way to the Emmy’s when Lucy gave them the call. 

They told the driver to switch locations. Lucy told them that babies too forever to come but the men didn’t care. They could make other films. They could win other awards. This was the birth of their child and there was no way they were missing it. 

They were both in the room, holding Lucy’s hands and cheering her on. Birth was a traumatic experience but she handled it like a champ. She didn’t curse them out or swear her revenge. She just pushed and pushed until it was over and the baby was born.

They had thought of different names. Ones that meant a lot to them. Ben made it very clear if the baby was a boy, it would be named after Joe. Joseph Francis Mazzello the fourth. Or really Mazzello-Hardy. Or Hardy-Mazzello. They didn’t know what they wanted to choose for the baby just yet. 

Ben had been more persistent about the child taking Joe’s name. It meant more to him. With his old Italian-American ways. 

They hadn’t decided on a girl name. They went through all the books and websites. Some names had been tossed around like Mary or Delilah but nothing stuck. 

Not until the baby was born and it was crying out to the world. This small, sticky human was placed on Lucy’s bare chest for contact and neither man gave a fuck what it was. The baby was healthy and breathing and perfect. 

On after it was cleaned up and passed back to the men were they told.

Their precious little girl was finally here. 

They were given a moment alone with her. Lucy was resting and the men were walking on the fucking moon. The baby was pale and beautiful. Eyes that were green and sparkling but hair that for the moment seemed more auburn. Neither could tell who she looked like but it didn’t matter. 

Biology didn’t matter to them. She was theirs through and through. 

Ben took the moment to look away from the sight before him to answer his phone. It had been sitting in the pocket of his suit jacket since he arrived at the hospital and only now thought to check on it. Joe holding their daughter was the most beautiful sight in the world to him. He didn’t want to look away but he had to. Friends and family had to be told. 

His inbox was full of messages and his Twitter was blowing up. He read each message carefully. “We won.” He spoke aloud. “The episode. It won.” 

“We won?” Joe mimicked, his eyes pulling away from the angel in his arms to look at his husband. “We won and we weren’t even there to accept it. It’s almost poetic.” 

Ben shrugged, placing his phone down. “Award shows are overrated anyway.” He mentioned. Long ago he had been dreaming of things like this. Of going to award shows, of being nominated, of actually winning. 

Ben was living a different dream now. He moved to sit beside his husband, he gazes falling back onto the infant in his arms. “Have you thought of any names?” 

Joe looked up once more, his eyes shining and his smile wide. He did think of a name. It was ridiculous and wild and Ben only agreed to it because it made Joe smile and made them both laugh. 

They stayed off the internet for three days. Everybody was still losing their minds and people were speculating as of why the two men weren’t at the award show. Why they weren’t there to accept their award. Rumors stated but neither cared too much. 

When they were allowed to go home, they found that the award had been dropped off to them. They couldn’t think of a better place to put it. When they finally interacted with the world again, it was through a tweet from Joe. 

He placed the award on the changing table just beside their little girl. He snapped a photo of them both and put it with the caption that he was proud to go home with two Emmy’s that evening. 

“I can’t believe we named our daughter after a bloody award show,” Ben muttered, watching as people retweeted and commented and lost their fucking minds.

“You love it,” Joe told him, coming to stand by his side with their daughter in his arms. 

Ben did. Without a whisper of a doubt. Leaning in, he pressed his lips to Emmy’s head, kissing her softly. She had that new baby scent mixed with the peaches and cream hair wash that his husband was so determined to use. It was perfect.

Ben knew he wanted to have a good life but that’s not how it turned out. His life was great and he couldn’t be happier.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So? Did you like it? 
> 
> Do you think the name is stupid? I generally couldn't think of any other names so. here we are. this is it. 
> 
> Actually no I have 1 more chapter after that and THEN thats it.
> 
> Or maybe it won't be. I generally don't know.


	6. ONE YEAR OF LOVE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Follow Ben and Joe through their daughter's first year of life.

**_1 & 2 & 3_ **

 

The first three months were the hardest months Ben had ever lived. Being a parent was nothing like you expect it to be. It’s way, way better but also way, way worse. Before, Ben didn’t know what to expect. Pick up the child, hold the child, put the child down. Do not ever drop the child. Feed the child, change the child. Keep the child clean. 

 

In his stupid little mind, it seemed so easy. 

 

Now the child is here and there was so much more than he had to focus on. He didn’t know what to except. Their little angel was here, as lovely as ever. Emmeline Emmanuelle. Their Emmy. It was a classy name. One they had gone over and over again. Ben couldn’t let go of the idea of Joe naming their first born after a bloody award, so they compromised. It would be a nickname; an adorable one at that.

 

Emmy was a happy baby. There was no way around that, but even the happiest people have to cry, especially the new ones who didn’t understand the great big world they were currently living in. 

 

They took turns, he and Joe, on everything. Changing and feeding and bathing. They didn’t go back and forth. That was too complicated for hem to deal with that three am. Every other day they’d switch it up. Mondays-Wednesdays-Fridays Ben would feed and change her. Tuesdays-Thursdays-Saturdays were all Joe’s. Sundays they did it together. 

 

They took their three months parental leave even if they didn’t have any projects that needed them at the moment. They were still high off their Emmy win and while they were happy to do interviews such, those were the only exceptions. Otherwise, they stayed home and focused on the little life they had helped create. 

 

It was terrifying but so, so wonderful. Seeing this gorgeous little face light up whenever they’d come in the room. Ben had seen her smile first and his made his heartache. The only person he ever fell in love with was Joe, but Emmy . . . she was different. Ben didn’t know he was capable of feeling so much love for one person until she came into their lives. 

 

She was an absolute delight to have around and Ben was more than content with staying home with her. She didn’t do much, obviously. Just sat in his arms or in her pram. She could coo every now and then, but that was normal for an infant her age. 

 

They spent their first Halloween as a family looking absolutely adorable and ridiculous. Joe insisted they dress up as a family. They went back and forth with a few ideas and in the end, went with a handful of them. Emmy was only a month and a half after all, so it wasn’t like she could be completely aware of it all. 

 

They had their own little photoshoot. First with Emmy and Frankie dressed as a lion and tiger with Ben and Joe as Zookeepers. After that, she was a sleeping dinosaur and the two men were raptor handlers. It was funny and silly and beyond adorable.

 

Ben never thought he’d be content just sitting around and watching a child, but he was. He was happy at home. Joe preferred to work from his home office than the one on the lot anyway. They had people come to visit; Rami and Lucy with their little ones. Gwilym and his wife who was happy to announce that she was pregnant. And Allen’s wife wasn’t far off.

 

So many children for Emmy to play with as she got older. It was exciting for them all. Gone were the young lads who were so lost in California just trying to make their way in the world. They have all grown men with careers and blossoming families. 

 

Everything was wonderful until it wasn’t any longer. 

 

It started off small. A cough, a sneeze. Neither man worried much. Children got ill all the time. But when she stopped sleeping and had trouble eating and just continued to cry and scream, that's when the fear set in. 

 

Joe paced back and forth in the hospital as Ben held Emmy as they waited for the doctor to come and speak with them. He was cursing up and down, not giving a shit. They didn’t watch their language around her often. She would pick up on it yet, but she couldn’t understand it. When she got more verbal, then they’d be careful. For now, they were just words. 

 

When the doctor did arrive, everything was fine. She had a cold. A terrible one, but just a cold none the less. She was up to date on everything and just happened to catch something. They had given them medicine and told them to wait it out. 

 

It was torture for them all. Ben would walk with her up and down the hallway. He’d rub her back and sing to her, hoping to help her fall asleep. Joe would rock her in her chair, the air defuser puffing in the corner. When she did fall asleep, they refused to leave her side. 

 

Ben had so many fears that he didn’t even know about coming out and he spent several nights just sitting on the floor watching her. They kept her in their room for the first few months, but it didn’t matter. The worry was still there. It was still so strong. 

 

Emmy was a trooper though and got better. She was healthy again and the two men were relieved. Their little girl was laying there, smiling at them and everything felt like it was going to be okay. 

 

**_4 & 5 & 6_ **

 

When the three months ended, it was Ben who had to return back first. Joe was currently working on a script and didn’t have to leave the house right away. Ben, however, was needed. They had worked on a few scenes that didn’t include him but now it was time to go back and begin the next season. 

 

It was painful, having to say goodbye. He would step out of the house every now and then, to go to the store or meet up with friends, but it was nothing like this. He’d be gone for so long and he hated it. He didn’t even want to think about when they’d have to shoot on location. 

 

Joe sent him pictures and videos, keeping him up to date, but it didn’t make it any better. The only thing that softened the blow was knowing that he’d come home to his loving husband and darling daughter waiting for him day after day. 

 

He was at work when she first rolled over. It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, especially since Frankie did it endlessly, but he felt just as sad as he had felt proud when he watched the video on his phone. 

 

He took the whole weekend off just to stay with her and cheer her on as she rolled over. He worried for her head, but Joe didn’t fret. She was built stronger than most. She could take a hit to the noggin if need be. 

 

Ben didn’t want to miss anything else and practically got down on his knees to have Joe come with him when they had to go on Vancouver. Joe wasn’t keen on traveling with an infant, but he didn’t want to be separated either so they packed up their things and headed out. 

 

He didn’t have them on set often, with all the germs and such but when he did, Emmy was spoiled endlessly. Everybody adored him, and that included the cast and crew. She was adorable, of course. Rosy cheeks and brownish/reddish hair. Her green eyes popped wildly and everybody would comment how much she looked like Ben or how much she looked like Joe. 

 

They still didn’t know who the biological father was and wanted to keep it that way. Blood was blood, but that didn’t mean a damn thing to them. A family was who you wanted it to be and they were a family. This was their child, through blood or not. 

 

Ben did his best not to miss anything else and was there when she began to sit up and drink from a sippy cup. He was the first to feed her all the mush and was happy to have her laugh at him for doing silly things or made funny faces. 

 

It was fun and adorable and Ben was happy to be there for it all. 

 

**_7 & 8 & 9_ **

 

They had gotten into a fight when Joe was meant to go back to work. His script was done and they wanted to begin shooting. Ben still had a few things to shoot and he also was supposed to start on a film of his own, so taking off wasn’t exactly an option just yet. 

 

They had gone back and forth on whether or not to get a nanny or put Emmy in daycare. They had enough money to do whatever they pleased, but they needed to work. Originally Joe had been looking into having another director take over his script but met with mixed views and such so he took on the project himself. 

 

Ben had made a comment one night, mentioning how stubborn the man was and if he didn’t treat every bloody script like it was his child, he wouldn’t run into problems as he did. Joe took it harsh and the fight went off. 

 

They went back and forth, saying horrible things to one another. Things that they obviously didn’t mean but at the time were cruel enough to leave a mark. Neither left the house but they slept in separate rooms. Ben was still fuming when he heard Joe screaming his name the next day. Ben sprang up from the guest bed and ran out of his room, fearing the worst. Emmy had slammed her face down once on the hardwood floor and that felt Ben rattled for days. He didn’t want to deal with the same thing again. 

 

He found them both in Emmy’s room. Joe was standing on the far end and Emmy was up on the carpet. Joe was kneeling down, his arms extended. Emmy, with a bright smile, crawled over to the man. 

 

“She’s crawling!”

 

They had been waiting for this moment. She had gotten onto her knees a couple of times, but never pushed off. Deep down she knew there were enough people in her life who would be more than happy to hold her. Still, she got the strength and the confidence to make the first few moves. 

 

Ben threw his arms around Joe and hugged him tightly. All the resentment and anger left, and nothing but joy and excitement filled the moment. Later that night, after the apologies had been said and kisses were exchanged, they had a long discussing and decided to go with a nanny. They went with a woman from the same agency Rami and Lucy used. Her name was Priya and she was fantastic. She worked well with their schedules and got along perfect with Emmy. 

 

When they both left to go to the lot, their hearts were a little broken but they knew it was better this way. And when Joe had to go on location, Ben and Emmy would follow. Sometimes they would take Priya with them if they thought they’d need her or if they’d head to London and also wanted some alone time. 

 

They took off days when they could, doing their best to work around their busy lifestyles. They had family and friends stop over often. Sometimes just for fun afternoons or playdates. Others for get-togethers and barbecues. 

 

They were sitting out by the pool, surrounded by their loved ones. Joe was manning the grill because he was the true blooded American and swore he made the best food. Ben just waved him off and let him go. Gwilym was sitting across from the blond, the adorable chunky baby seated on his knee. 

 

Emmy had been extra gummy the past few days and was doing everything she could to satisfy her need. The had given her multiple tethers and used plenty of bibs to wipe away her drool. Gwilym’s wife was in the middle of speaking about something when the giant of a man suddenly gasp out. 

 

“She bloody bit me,” He mentioned softly. 

 

Joe was off to the side snickering. “I doubt it hurt that much, Gwil.” He told him. “All she has are gums.” 

 

“She has a bit more than that actually,” 

 

Gwilym passed Emmy over to Ben, who swiftly (though carefully) ran his finger along the bottom level of her mouth. Low and behold there was a tooth sitting there. Small but sharp. 

 

“She has a tooth.” He spoke aloud to the table. 

 

Ben cocked his head, meeting his husband's gaze. “Shut up!” Grill forgotten about, Joe hurried over. Emmy smiled wide at the sight of the man, revealing her first tooth to him. “Look at you! Baby girl is growing up so fast!” 

 

Joe took the baby and tossed her happily in the air. Emmy squealed and giggled, hiding her face in her chubby little hands. 

 

Such a simple thing, something all children go through, all parents go through, but it left Ben and Joe feeling like they were walking on air. 

 

Their baby girl really was growing up so fast. 

 

Emmy was nine months old when they went for their first date. They had gone out prior, but it was usually just for a quick bite when family was over. They had yet to take Emmy out and didn’t feel the need since she was still on baby food and bottles. 

 

They dressed up and went out to one of their favorite places. They walked about work and life and the world around them. And they talked about Emmy too. Ben had heard people mention that once you have a baby that your life goes downhill. That you stop living your life and instead live the life of an infant, but he didn’t care. 

 

They had sex as well since Emmy was in her own room. It was awkward at first, with the monitor just off to the side. Ben wanted to turn it around but Joe didn’t like not seeing it. It was so weird and strange, but they just kissed each other and laughed about how much had changed. 

 

Things changed yes, but for the better.

 

**_10 & 11 & 12 _ **

 

Joe was on location when Emmy stood and tried to walk. Ben declined to go because he still had scenes to shoot and Joe didn’t want to force Priya to come all the way there and watch his child while he focused on his work. 

 

They were on FaceTime and Skype more often than not but they still missed each other desperately. 

 

Emmy had tried a couple of times prior, but it just didn’t work out. This time was different, however. Ben could see the determination in his daughter's eyes and there was no way he was going to allow his husband to miss this. He kept her at bay, distracting her long enough so he could get a hold of the man. Ben had texted and called Joe telling him it was an emergency. He threatened to leave him and take Emmy and Frankie and never see him again if he didn’t pick up his phone. 

 

“I swear to God, the house better be burnt to the ground!” Joe told him upon answering the video call. 

 

“Shut up you fucking tosser!” Ben shouted, pointing the camera towards Emmy. “Come on, Emmeline! Come on.” 

 

Emmy squealed and took the first step, then the second. She giggled, holding her arms out as she walked to Ben, plopping down on her diaper covered butt and clapping as she looked up at him and his phone. She looked so fucking proud of herself and Ben was even prouder. 

 

Joe was screaming, of course. Their little girl had taken her first steps and while he missed being there in person, Ben had made sure he saw it in real time. He was crying and shouting to the crew that his daughter walked. 

 

“God, I miss you so much,” Joe muttered softly, wiping tears of joy from his face. There was a shout from somebody in the background and Joe was quick to tell him to fuck off. It was family time and he was the director. He’d make them do whatever they wanted. 

 

Ben lifted Emmy up, holding her in his arms as he turned the camera around to face them. Emmy was babbling on, seeing her other father in the phone. She slapped her hands against it, trying to get him out of there. “We miss you too. We’ll see you soon.”

 

They saw Joe three days later when he surprised them by ending shooting early. Ben and Emmy were napping on the couch with, laying chest to chest when he heard the door open. Frankie was barking at the person who entered and Ben was the first to sit up. Emmy followed his movements, her chubby little hands rubbing against her eyes as she looked around the door. 

 

“Hey,” Ben said, becoming more alert. “You weren’t due for another week.” 

 

“Doesn’t matter. I didn’t want to stay away anymore.” He told Ben that if he needed to fix anything, he’d clean it up in post. His editing team was paid good money for a reason after all. 

 

As Emmy looked around, she smiled shyly when she caught sight of Joe. “Dada,” She muttered, nuzzling her face into Ben’s shoulder.

 

Both men looked to her, their eyes wide with revelation. Neither of them had decided on who exactly would be dada and who would be papa. They just taught her both and would let her decide. 

 

“Whose dada Emmy?” Ben asked, adjusting his hold on her. Emmy giggled and extended an arm towards Joe. 

 

“Me? I’m Dada?” He asked. Joe threw his arms up in triumphant, spinning around the room like a wild man, causing the small girl to giggle. “Come here, monkey! Say it again. Who am I?” 

 

“Dada!” 

 

Joe scooped her up and spun her around. The two of them were screaming and laughing, the whole scene crazy and maniacal. Their baby had said her first word and made her first decision. Joe was to be dada/daddy/dad and Ben would be papa/pops/anything else she wanted to call him. 

 

He had even thought about just going by Benny, but Joe refused. They were both her fathers and he was going to have a title whether he liked it or not. 

 

And Ben did like it. It wasn’t long after calling Joe dada that the second word had come about. Papa was easy to say and Emmy liked to say it. Or scream it really. She’d run around the house, chasing Frankie and yelling ‘paaaaaaapaaaaaaaa’ for as long as she could. It was amusing, to say the least. 

 

When her first birthday came around, the men had a choice to make. They invited all their friends and family obviously since it would certainly be the party of the century. They didn’t want to throw her some regular old birthday party. Oh no. It had to be wonderful. It couldn’t just be pink or based off some tv show. It had to be unique. 

 

So what were two grown men to do while raising a little girl? Throw a costume party, of course. 

 

Rules were simple: dress as you would if you had been invited to go to the highest palace for tea. It wasn't dressed up, it wasn’t Halloween. It was mother fucking royalty. 

 

Ben and Joe wore matching princely attire while Emmy was their Queen. 

 

Not a princess. 

 

A mother fucking _**Queen**_. 

 

With her auburn hair pulled up into a bun and a crown resting on her head. Her dress was multicolored and she looked like the bell of the ball. They had agreed that they wouldn’t get her ears pierced until she was a bit older and she had somewhat of a say in it, so they gave her little clip on earrings and a small pearl necklace to add to the attire. 

 

They threw it in the backyard because they had the room and did the cliche thing where they had a photographer come. 

 

They had their little smash cake photo shoot earlier in the week, where they had a small, personal cake for the baby girl to absolutely destroy. Which with did with ease and eagerness. 

 

The cake they had here was more professional and pristine, but it tasted just as good. She received dozens of gifts but they didn’t open many in front of everyone. Just a chosen few. Ben had already purchased her a little pushable bike that he’d use when they take Frankie for walks. And Joe just continued to add on to her growing dinosaur collection. 

 

When it was all said and done and the guest had gone home, Emmy was fast asleep in Joe’s arms. He placed her down on their bed to change her into her sleep clothes but didn’t have to heart to move her afterward. Stripping from their elegant outfits, which they left in the corner of the bedroom, Ben and Joe climbed in with her. Frankie joined in too, sitting at the end of the bed, still wearing her princess dress they had put her in earlier that evening. 

 

Emmy wiggled between the two of them, making sure she was in the perfect spot for the perfect bedtime cuddle session. Ben just shook his head, smiling at the sight of it. 

 

One year ago they had been preparing to go the biggest prime time awards shows and here they were now, lying in bed, preparing for sleep with a child nestled between them. 

 

This whole thing had been the most impractical bet that Ben had ever taken on. And for the first time in his life, Ben was certain that he would never be happier.

 

But with these two by his side, anything as possible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god, wasn't that the most adorable thing ever? My teeth literally hurt. I love this story and I love these boys. I can't say for sure this is the end because who really knows? Either way, I hope you liked it. Please tell me what you thought, I love for all comments. 
> 
> PS, the chapter name was based a song John wrote but tbh i'm not a fan of it, but check it out if you haven't heard it yet!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I genuinely have no idea where this came from.

Ben and Joe knew they wanted more children, they just didn’t expect to have one so soon. They wanted to get used to having Emmy before they took on the challenge of having another. They thought between three and five years would be good for them to try again. By then, Emmy would be would. A little more independent. She would be out of the baby stage, out of the tantrum stage. 

She was a well-minded child, but even she had her blowouts, just like the rest of the world. The last thing they wanted to do was to confuse her by having another child come along too soon. Besides, they were quite happy with their life. The three Muskateers. Four, if you count Frankie. 

They did everything together. Being the father of a little girl was beyond magical. They didn’t raise her any differently than they would a boy, but at the end of the day, she would lean more towards princesses and ponies. She liked her cars and her roughhousing. Joe was determined to make sure her favorite Ninja Turtle was Michaelangelo and Ben was very pleased to know that she had high hopes of being a Jedi when she grew up. 

They had their ups and downs. Being a parent wasn’t some walk in the park. It took time and effort. Sometimes the two men would argue over the silliest things, but in the end, they loved each other and their daughter and the life they created together.

They had no intention of adding on any time soon until Lucy approached them. There had been a few medical scares in her family as of late and after a long discussion with Rami, they decided they were finished having children. They had their son and their twin girls. They were happy and felt their family was complete. 

She bounced back and forth between getting her tubes tied or a full-on hysterectomy due to the medical troubles her family had been going through, but she wanted to reach out to the boys first. She was their donor, their carrier, and Emmy’s biological mother. If they wanted to have another child and go through the same thing again, they had to make that choice soon.

The men went back and forth trying to decide on what to do. The idea of freezing the eggs was passed up, but then came with the realization that somebody else would have to carry it. And what if it didn’t take at first? Joe feared using up all the eggs and losing their chance at giving Emmy a biological sibling. 

Ben didn’t care either way. The world continued to question to Emmy’s true father was. When she was first born, her hair was red, similar to Joe’s hair. Now it softened into a strawberry blond and her eyes were greener than green, similar to Ben’s. Nobody could figure it out, but Ben didn’t give a damn.

Biological or not, Emmy was his daughter. And she was Joe’s as well. And this child would be the very same, whether they used Lucy’s egg or someone else's. 

But he understood Joe’s point of view. He grew up in a family that was incredibly close, that lived on the fact that ‘blood is thicker than water’ and all that mumbo jumbo. 

They discussed what this would mean for them. Emmy had just turned two years old. She was still so young, entering the ‘mine’ stage. Would she get jealous? Upset? If they brought the baby home, would she shun it? 

There were so many fears that they had yet to go over. 

Not having a child wasn’t an option. It just wasn’t. Neither man would offer it because neither man wanted it. They wanted children together. They wanted a growing family. Ben couldn’t even fathom the idea of not having another, because it wasn’t in the cards for them. 

Odd for a man who couldn’t imagine marry in the first place, being a father, or even having a bloody pet. 

Now he lives with the love of his life, has a dog that goes everywhere with him, and a tiny little Queen that orders him around proudly. It was a strange life, but he loves it endlessly. 

They were in a good place in their careers. They were busy, but they made time for one another. Life was good for them. 

So they told Lucy they were in. 

It was strange this time, however. They wanted to get it done quickly and while the first time they went to the doctors, they decided to do things a little differently this time. 

Lucy came to their place since Rami made it very clear he didn’t want them discrete his home. Ben and Joe just rolled their eyes. Wasn’t like they were having a bloody threesome! 

It had been Joe’s idea. They were together in the bathroom, with Ben crossing his arms and scowling in the corner like a child who had to get a shot. 

“We’re jerking off. Can you not look so annoyed.”

“It’s fucking weird and you know it.”

It should be a turn-off. Sitting there with his husband, both getting ready to rub one out. But it was strange and silly and God, he was so fucking happy Emmy was with Joe’s mum for the evening. 

“Benny, I love you, but please just shut up and jizz into the fucking cup.”

Ben scoffed but did as he was told. They helped one another. Joe kissing the man’s scowl away as they jerked one another off. Joe had offered to blow him but Ben was fairly sure at this point of his lip if he even tried to put his mouth on his cock he’d finish right there in his mouth. 

Joe was the first to finish and Ben followed in suit. Ben laid out on their bed, groaning as his husband walked around their bedroom, stirring the cup of their semen to mix it all up. Once again, they wanted to play the game of chance. 

“This better bloody work!” He shouted at him. It wasn’t the worst thing he had ever done, but he was far too old for this particular type of bullshit.

“You’re being depressing and it’s not cute,” Joe told him before heading off back to Lucy. 

It wasn’t exactly practical. Jerking off into a cup and then allowing Lucy to use a bloody turkey baster to inject it. In fact, it made Thanksgiving that year very fucking weird for Ben. But it worked nonetheless. 

Lucy became pregnant with their second child. They didn’t tell anybody again, but that was for their own privacy. Lucy never commented on it unless she was asked and when they did ask, she just said it was her fifth baby because it was. 

Even if she didn’t call herself Emmy’s mother, she was to them. She gave them that gift and if the little girl ever wanted to know where she came from, Ben and Joe would be proud to tell her. 

This pregnant was different from the last, at least that was what their friend had told them. She threw up more than the others and craved different things. Ben and Joe did what they could to make their friend happy and content with their pregnancy.

They had a few scares as well. It seemed the medical issues that had put some fear into Lucy had been more serious than originally thought. Miscarriages were a real deal and there were a couple of times when Lucy would feel pain or have some blood or they wouldn’t be able to detect a heartbeat. 

They didn’t talk about it much. About the possibilities of losing their child. It was a reality so many had a face, but they were fortunate to never have to deal with it. 

Their second child was born in the early morning, an entire month earlier than planned. Joe had teased Ben about it, saying their babies were both early because they were both excited to be in their lives. Anything to calm their jumbled nerves. 

They hadn’t finished the bedroom as of yet. They had a second room in their room they decided to turn into a nursery. It was further down than they approved of, but Emmy was comfortable in her room, which was next to theirs and they didn’t want to make her move. 

She was excited for the most part, though Ben based that off her not fully understanding what was going on. They took her to the hospital to meet the new bundle. They insisted that the baby stay for a little while longer to make sure everything was all right. A month early wasn’t too terrible, but with the troubled pregnancy, they wanted to be one hundred perfect sure. 

They didn’t know what they were having but they had already chosen a name before they were even given confirmation that Lucy was pregnant. If this was going to be their last biological baby, then Joe’s given name would be passed down in honor of his father and grandfather. 

Whether it be Joseph or Josephine, the name would be given. 

In the end, it was the former. 

Joseph Francis Mazzello IV entered this world sooner than expected but was given the warmest of welcomes. His eyes were blue, like Lucy’s and his hair was lighter than Emmy’s had been. They called him JJ. Joseph Junior. It was cute

Joe had joked that it was better to name him after himself and not Ben because then he would have been Ben Jr. BJ. 

That was not as cute. 

JJ was small and squishy and absolutely adorable. Ben couldn’t put him down. He refused. He held him at the hospital whenever he was allowed to and when they finally took him home, he walked around the house, the baby resting in the crook of his arm comfortably. 

Frankie was excited to have another human to protect, but it was Emmy who had the real reaction. 

She was ready to have a baby brother. To be the big sister. She was ready to share her toys and have a tea party. There were things she didn’t get, like why all he did was sleep and why he cried during the night. She comforted him when he’d cry and visit him in his bedroom.

Joe had taken over the decorating and made sure it was finished by the time the baby arrived. It was dinosaur themed and dear lord, it was the cutest fucking thing. From his crib to the paintings on the walls. Everything was from the Jurassic period.

He stayed with them for the first few months and it was hard. Ben had an irrational fear of the baby suddenly no longer breathing and found that he was better off holding him while he slept. It made him feel stronger. More powerful. Like he could stop it if something did happen. 

Joe tried to comfort his worries but never judged him on it. He was a loving partner who understood where the fears came from. 

A few weeks after the birth, Lucy decided to get the surgery. It was sad for everybody, but her health came first. She did decide to freeze some of her eggs, just in case, but neither Ben nor Joe took an interest. 

They had their little family. And everything was good. 

No, it was great.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Literally, the weirdest thing I've never fucking written. 
> 
> Joe...walking around their room...stirring up a cup of cum so they could have another baby. Would they even work? I don't know. I just had fun.


	8. Easter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I genuinely don't know what I am doing anymore.

Chaos. It was actual fucking chaos and Ben only had himself to blame. Holidays were always special, how could they not be? Christmas was a must in his household, whether he was back in England or New York or California. There were no Christmas vacations. Christmas was meant to be spent home with the ones you loved. 

Ben and Joe always made sure each holiday was special, even before they had kids. He still wore the J bracelet that Joe got him for their first Christmas together, with the stuff lion making a permanent place in Emmy’s room. 

Christmas and Halloween seemed to be their main holidays. Joe adored dressing up and Ben followed in suit. They had gotten creative as time went on, and having children just added to the mix. The family costumes they had come up with had been rather legendary if you asked him. Plus, candy. Who didn’t love candy? 

Any other holiday, they took seriously, but never to the amount as they had when it came to the main two. Except for this year, it seemed. 

Emmy was four and JJ was two. Both walking and talking. Emmy was learning new stuff and said the silliest things. JJ was curious and followed his older sister everywhere. They were the best of friends and the men had been grateful.

The conversation came up one night after they had gone to the petting zoo and JJ decided he had a new obsession with rabbits. They spent the entire car ride home talking about them and Joe had sat in his bed, showing the toddler pictures of different kinds of bunnies on his phone until he fell asleep. 

Both men were content with the one pet they had; their little angel Frankie who alternated between whose bed she would be sleeping in for the night. Getting a kid a rabbit for a pet was out of the question. They were far more work than one would believe, and since JJ was literally potty training, neither men thought he’d be prepared to take care of one. 

Thats when Joe had the idea. A rather specific holiday was coming upon and while they normally would do the basic shit like sitting around and Joe would force them to go to church. It wasn’t terrible since they only went on religious holidays. 

Neither man was overly religious, but they did so to please Joe’s family. It was fun and while Emma was left with questions, it was still a fun experience for them all. 

Joe decided to throw a little Easter party for everyone. It would be small enough, just their friends and family but that was bigger than expected. At this point, everybody had children or had wives that were pregnant. 

He was going on and on about ideas. Ben just watched him, because this was his life. He was married to this beautiful man, who he shared an amazing life with. Awards and children. This was not where he expected his life to go but it’s where he wanted to to be. 

In the end, he agreed to everything, kissing Joe sweetly as they went to sleep. Emmy would wake them up in the morning since she liked to follow her routine of breakfast and nature videos. They made the silly mistake of allowed her to stay with Gwilym’s uncle Brian and now all she cared about were wild animals and making sure they had their rights. 

JJ liked to watch too but now only if bunnies were on.

Joe decided to go all out for the Easter party. Little farm animals for the kids to play with. An egg hunt. He even rented a giant bunny costume which looked a little terrifying but their children were brave. 

Still, Ben downright refused to be the one to dress up. No, he chose to go with the light blue suit that made him look like a million bucks. He had gone a GQ shoot only s month prior, deciding to go back to modeling just for fun. His show has one more season to go and then it’s finished. He’s a little sad but it was time to move on. 

His hair was slicked back and he had his glasses on for a change. The older you got the worse your body got. His eyes weren’t terrible and he didn’t need them often but he didn’t mind them every now and then. 

Joe appeared to like them as well which was a general plus for them. 

Joe wore a pastel pink suit, to match Emmy’s pink and white dress. Her strawberry blond hair was pulled up into a ponytail while JJ’s blond locks were slicked back. He too wore a blue suit, a tiny little version of his father’s. 

They were playing with the rest of the children. Gwilym, and Allen, and Rami all brought their little ones. Lucy was playing with them all, sitting in their tiny tables and little teacups. Ben had bought small ukuleles and drum sets for the kids to play with, letting them have their fun in the garden while the adults stood around and drank their mimosas.

Joke excused himself to change into the rabbit costume, and Allen came to ask when they would begin hiding the eggs. This confused Ben since the eggs were already hidden. 

Except they weren’t. As it turned out Ben thought Joe would be the one to hide them and it appeared his dear husband thought that he would be hiding them. In turn, nobody hid them and two hundred plastic eggs were sitting in their living room.

Ben and Allen scramble to figure out what they were going to do. Could they hide them without the kids realizing? They decided to get Gwilym to focus on the little ones and all the animals while the two other men hide the eggs all around the yard.

This turned out to be an even worse idea because Gwilym wasn’t good at dangling children and animals. The little fence that held the chicks and bunnies broke away and they began scattering around. Allen and Ben dropped the eggs to gather them up. 

They had just about gotten them all when Joe showed up. 

In that fucking rabbit costume.

All the kids, even the older ones, took one look at him and began running away. And that included their dear JJ, who was crying out for his daddy and Papa. 

Joe, bless his heart, did his best to show JJ that it was daddy underneath it all, but the tiny blond wouldn’t listen.

“Leave my brother alone!” Emmy came forward, running into the rabbit costumes man with all the strength a child could possess. “I’m gonna make you extinct!” 

“Emmeline! Stop that!” Ben hurried over, trying his best not to trip over the loose animals. JJ ran into his arms, wanting his father to scoop him up and protect him. Joe was lying on his back with Emmy beating him with her tiny fist.

Eventually, Joe was able to get the head of the suit off and reveal himself. Emmy stopped her movements and smiled from where she was sitting on his chest. “Oh. Hi daddy!” 

“Hi baby girl,” Joe groaned, looking up to lock eyes with his husband. He caught sight of their son and offered a small, sad smile. “Hi, Joey.” 

JJ just whimpered, burying his face in Ben’s neck. Ben ran his hand up and down the toddlers back, soothing him. 

By the end of the evening, everything was put back in its rightful place. The animals were collected and sent back. The eggs that had been hiding were searched for and found, and the prizes were given out. Emmy was asleep, pleased with how the day went. It was wild and exciting on her end, especially since she had managed to grab hold of one of the chicks and proceeded to tell everybody that she tackled her father down to the ground. 

JJ was snuggled up on the couch watching Peter Rabbit, with the stuffed bunny that Ben had given him sitting tightly in his arms. Frankie by his side, being his rightful protector as ever. 

“He hates me. I can’t believe how much of a disaster this was.” Joe commented, standing off into the kitchen. He had a bottle of wine in his hand, which he was drinking without a glass. He had been grumbling since the party ended. 

“He doesn’t hate you. JJ is a sensitive lad. It was just too much for him.” Ben commented softly. “He had fun regardless. And perhaps next year we will just stick to dinner with your mum?” 

Joe answered with a chug of the bottle, stopping when he practically emptied the bottle. Joe had always been the more intense one of the two parents. He wanted his children to have every experience in life and if they were ever sad or unhappy, he took it upon himself to take the blame. 

Ben tried his best to get his husband to see that he couldn’t control the universe, but Joe would always be the stubborn one. 

“I’m buying him a fucking rabbit.” He declared, slamming the bottle onto the counter. 

“No, you’re not,” Ben told him carefully. “I’m not taking care of it and neither are you.” 

“We’ll hire someone then. I’m an Oscar-nominated director, I can afford it.” Joe snapped. 

“You should have won with your dramatics,” Ben commented, rolling his eyes. “He’s fine, Joe. Just let him relax.”

“Papa?”

Ben turned, entering the sitting room to see their boy. “Yes, luv?” 

JJ looked so small on the couch, wrapped up in an adult-sized planet so only his blond head was visible. “Frankie sleep in my room tonight?” 

“Of course darling,” 

Joe appeared beside him, his expression was gentle and full of guilt. “Do you wanna sleep with us tonight?”

They had agreed to an open door on their kids if they ever needed to be with them. Both their children, despite being so young, were incredibly independent and only on certain occasions (say a harsh thunderstorm or case of illness) did they share their bed. 

They watched as their little boy thought it over, ultimately bobbing his head. “Frankie too?” 

“Her too,” Ben answered. 

Joe came over and scooped the tiny blond up and brought him to get changed. He returned with his dinosaur pajamas on and a chunky dog trotting behind them. 

The three and their dog laid in bed together, with JJ cuddling up with the stuffed rabbit as he fell asleep. 

Joe wrapped his arms around their boy, kissing his head softly. “Okay. Maybe not a rabbit but we should get him something else. How do you feel about cats?”

Ben just groaned, turning onto his side to turn off the lights. That was a discussion that could wait until tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does Joe try too hard as a dad? Possibly. 
> 
> At this point, I have given up saying I'm done with this. I don't think I'll ever be done, so just enjoy this. Maybe there will be more.
> 
> And don't forget to subscribe to Joe's YouTube page! Get your makeup tips FRESH!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I honestly have no idea what I am doing at this point.

When Ben Hardy thought about his life, he saw award shows.

He saw a hot little thing on his arm as he walked down the red carpet. It was someone new every event. Like Leo, he wasn’t one to stick around. His passion was in his art, not his people. He never had the need or the drive to be the person those around him wanted him to be.

And then things changed for him. He fell in love with a man who made Ben see the world through a different pair of eyes. Being with Joe wasn’t something Ben planned, and the life they lead wasn’t one he ever expected but he wouldn’t give it up for anything.

And while Ben never regretted doing the things he did with the man, there was the slightest hitch. He was a very weak man. And saying no to his husband was nearly impossible. He did it because sometimes you just had to.

But his children on the other hand.

Joe played him dirty. They had talked about how they would both be the fun parent and both be the strict parent. They were going to work as a team and for the first year, it went swimmingly.

And then by the time their son came along and their daughter was walking and talking, that plan went out the window and Joe basically gave into everything, forcing Ben to be the bad guy.

Easter has been a huge mess and Joe was determined to make up for it. He didn’t say anything, didn’t try to make anything better. For a short moment, Ben really did think the man had let it go.

And then Ben came home to find a cat sitting on the couch. A tiny little calico cat that was curled up in a ball. It was so small, he nearly missed it upon entering, but only noticed because it happened to be sitting on his seat on the couch.

Ben wasn’t against cats. Honestly, he wasn’t. He liked all the animals. He just preferred dogs. Getting Frankie was a dream come true. Having a fuzzy friend to come home to. Hearing her paws pad across the hardwood floors. It was one of Ben’s favorite sounds.

And now the dog was nowhere in sight and there was a small ball of fluff sitting on the couch where Ben would usually sit. Joe greeted him happily as he walked in, JJ settled at his hip as he carried him over.

Their son was old enough to walk but Joe liked holding him. They both did. They spoiled their children endlessly and Ben wouldn’t apologize for it. Joe kissed his cheek and went right into a conversation as if to distract Ben from the creature that was nestled in their couch.

It didn’t work well enough.

“We talked about this.”

It had been a short conversation. Joe begged him to let him get a pet for JJ to make up for frightening him with the bunny costume but Ben refused. Their son was too young for a pet of his own. Frankie was enough for now.

Obviously that all went in one ear and out the other.

“Before you get upset, he’s a rescue,” Joe mentioned, turning towards the cat. “One of the sound guys found him on set. What was I supposed to do?”

“Let them handle it,” Ben replies back. “Bring it to a shelter.”

“We have more than enough room. Look how small he is!”

“And he’ll get bigger!”

Joe rolled his eyes, going to plop JJ down on the couch beside the sleeping kitten. “They don’t grow that much, Ben. I mention wanting to get a cat and then boom! A cat appears. Thats fate, Ben. And remember our conversation about fate? Fate brought us together.”

They had talked about it from time to time. When they were alone, usually after sex. They’d talk about how far they have come together. From being practical strangers to husbands with children. It was wild and baffling and absolutely wonderful.

Less wonderful now that Joe was throwing it in his face.

“Besides, Joey likes him.”

The two men looked to the small blond sitting on the couch, lifting his chubby hand to pat at the kittens head. “Cat!”

“See!” Joe exclaimed, beaming brightly at his husband.

Ben didn’t bother reminding him that JJ liked just about everything. You could give the toddler a shoe and he’d cuddle it for days. “I don’t like you,” Ben said instead, leaving the room in a huff.

“That is a lie and you know it!” Joe called after him.

Slowly but surely things began to change. Frankie wasn’t as annoyed by the presence of the cat as Ben had expected. She was annoyed at first. Pestered by it, really. She wanted to eat all the food and sit in the special cat bed. He didn’t like the cat toys and also got a little upset when Emmy would have the cat sit with her instead of him.

Emmy was pleased by the new pet. She loved all animals and wanted everybody to get along. She gave the cat as much attention as she did Frankie and always made sure both animals got lots of love.

In the end, Frankie grew comfortable with the small creature and accepted him as part of the family.

Ben, on the other hand, continued to put up a fight. He didn’t like having to remember to feed another pet or clean up a litter box. They didn’t have a maid, rarely ever used a cleaning crew. Their home was their home so they had to do everything. Even when they had Priya around they didn’t want her cleaning up after their animals.

He wouldn’t let the cat in their bedroom. He could sleep with the kids or in his own bed but never theirs. It was bad enough having toddlers sneak in and sometimes the beagle, but a cat was just too much.

Only when a disaster came around did Ben begin to warm up to the creature. He had gotten hurt on set while doing a simple stunt, and while it wasn’t anything to worry about, Joe still forced him to have a day of rest. He was laying there, feeling like shit and waiting for the pain killers to kick in. He was tired and while the kids tried their best to cheer him up, not much worked.

Ben felt so incredibly useless and he hated it.

And then the cat came into the bed and sat beside him. He gestured for it to leave but he didn’t. He moved closer and closer until he was pressed against Ben. He was purring softly, the vibrations relaxing Ben to an extent. He distracted him from the pain he was feeling and allowed him to fall asleep.

When he woke up, the cat was on top of him and Joe was standing in the corner, watching them.

“I see you and Romeo were having a nice nap.” He commented. Ben rolled his eyes, raising his middle finger to flip his husband off as his second hand came up to pet the cat gently.

Maybe having a cat wasn’t the worst thing ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I named their cat after Freddie's own cat. 
> 
> Yes, I wrote a small chapter about them getting a cat.
> 
> This went from being a deep dive into a unique relationship to them being married with kids and owning a fucking cat.
> 
> Know what I call that? G R O W T H.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all want some domestic fluff? Well, here you go!

Date night is more or less none existent for them, though neither cared too much. They weren’t young kids anymore. They weren’t bashful young men who were still learning about one another. They were married with children and pets. With blossoming careers and fully lived lives. 

Neither Ben or Joe was too beaten up over not being able to go out like they used to. They were content with where they had settled in their lives and didn’t see the point in trying to go out and do anything wild. Dinner was fine, but that really didn't date anymore. 

Sometimes they just didn’t want to cook or order in or go to a play where they severed chicken fingers. It was rare but it happened but even then it was more a treat for them rather than something they planned. 

The thought hadn’t even crossed their minds until Rami mentioned his upcoming birthday and his desire to throw a party. Ben thought it was nearly laughable. What fully grown man throws himself a birthday party? Rami Malek, apparently. 

He and Lucy planned the whole thing. A club had been rented out and actual invitations had been sent. RSVPing was important and even if the idea baffled the men, Ben and Joe agreed. They tried to tell themselves it would be fun. They’d have Priya watch the children overnight while they went out and enjoyed themselves. 

Everybody was invited — everybody. Actors and actresses and models and directors. Literally everybody in their industry. Every time they turned around, one of them ran into somebody else. Half the people they saw were baffled as to why they were there. Apparently, word got around that the husbands were slight homebodies. 

Ben didn’t see the problem in that until the third or fourth person expressed how wild it was to see them out and about, doing something other than working and taking care of their family. Ben was openly annoyed with it, sulking in the corner with Joe by his side. 

The brunet tried to remind him that in the defense of those around them, they really hadn’t done much in quite some time. And their friends didn’t mean to come off cruel. After all, they were happy to see them! 

Ben just rolled his eyes and drank from his couple. Joe sighed in defeat, leaving the table. He returned sometime later, bottle in hand. Joe had given up drinking anything hard after Emmy was born. It was a healthy choice, one that Ben stood by wholeheartedly. He drinks socially only and since they hadn’t exactly been very social, drinking rarely happened. 

Until now it seemed. 

Joe poured the bottle into two glasses and handed Ben one of them. “Cheers,” Joe muttered, downing his glass. Ben mirrored his action, groaning as the slightly distorted flavor hit his throat. Getting a closer look at the bottle, he found it to be peppermint vodka. 

“Not the worse we’ve had.” He muttered quietly, taking the bottle to fill his glass up again.

And again. And again. They finished the bottle between them, sitting together on the couch as they drank and spoke. As the liquor hit them, the two began to loosen up. The two had always been very different drunks. 

Ben was a loopy drunk. He was happy to just sit back and smile. He was comfortable right here he was. 

Joe was a fun drunk, or so he told himself and everybody else around him. He wanted to get up and move. He wanted to dance and do something. It wasn’t long until he was pulling Ben onto the dance floor to show off his moves. 

They hadn’t danced like this since the Oscar party after Emmy was born. Joe had been nominated and lost and decided to dance the sorrows away. It was a night neither men would forget, especially since Ben was fairly sure if men could produce a child on his own, he would have been carrying twins by the end of the night. 

They didn’t have sex on this night. Not because they didn’t want to. Christ they did. Joe was flirty when he was drunk. A filthy, bastard of a flirt who teased his husband endlessly. They ditched the party and took their car home, kissing and touching the whole way. 

It was embarrassingly early in the morning but neither cared or even realized. They stumbled in around three in the morning, wrapped in one another with half their clothes already off. They stumbled to the bed, kissing and sucking at one another’s skin when Joe suddenly paused. 

“Oh no.” He muttered, looking up. 

Ben followed his gaze, finding Romeo sitting on Joe’s side of the bed, cuddled up comfortably as he slept. Normally he slept with JJ but he had the tendency to sneak into their room every now and then and Ben didn’t bother kicking him out. He was part of the family after all. 

“Just…just ignore him.” Ben insisted, going back to kissing Joe’s neck. 

“What? No, no. He can’t see this. He’ll…fuck he’ll be tainted!” 

Ben pulled away, trying his hardest to understand. “The cat?” 

Joe moved suddenly, going to lay on his stomach across the bed, his head close to the cat. “Ro…Roooo…Rome. Romey. Romey Malek! You…you gotta go.” Joe pointed to the door with a limp arm. “You gotta go away. Do I need to …see him? See Papa? Daddy wants papa too much.” 

“Just push him off the bed,” Ben groaned out. 

“Thats animal abuse, you fuck!” Joe snapped, turning back to the cat. “Please…i will give you…so much money.” Joe took his wallet and practically emptied it onto the animal, who in turn wasn’t even affected. He just continued to sleep, unfazed by the two drunks stumbling in the room. 

“Just…the floor?” Joe suggested weakly. 

Ben lifted his head to look to the man. It wasn’t like they hadn’t done it on the floor before. They’ve fucked on every surface of this home. Every room. Nothing was sacred. But now it was late and Ben was so fucking tired and he was just too fucking old for this. He was a dad now. A father. 

Nobody’s dad had sex on the floor all because a cat was sitting on the bed. 

“Sleep,” Ben muttered, kicking off his shoes. He didn’t have a belt and his pants weren’t too tight anymore. Sleeping in his clothes wouldn’t be the worst. Not like he hasn’t done it before.

“Wha? No. No, no. Ben. Benny. Ben. Ben-Ben. Babe. Baby. Baby boy no.” Joe crawled over, shaking his desperately. “No sleeping. I haven’t taken it in so long. I need it. Daddy needs it.” 

“Stop saying that.” It has always been odd. After hearing the kids call him daddy, having Joe use the term in such a dirty way left an odd taste in his mouth. Or maybe that was just the alcohol?

Ben lifted his hand, petting his husband’s head softly. “Tomorrow.” He decided, pulling the blanket over himself. 

Joe groaned, flopping back onto the bed, cursing Romeo out until he fell asleep. 

When morning came, Ben woke with a headache, finding Joe curled up with Romeo. Priya, the angel she was, took care of the children and allowed them to sleep in. He waited until he had his bearings before going throughout the house. Emmy and JJ were playing and were eager to see their papa and tell them all about their day. 

Ben let the woman go off as he took over, sitting on the floor and playing with them for the remainder of the afternoon. When it was time for JJ’s nap time, Ben set Emmy up in her reading corner so she could have some quiet time.

Their little girl was getting older and no longer needed to nap but she still liked to have downtime. 

When Ben returned to his bedroom, he found Joe was wide awake, sitting up in bed. In his hand was his phone. He was staring intently, watching something. 

“Anything interesting?” 

Joe opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. He turned the phone towards Ben, who took it curiously. 

It was a Twitter video. One that apparently had been retweeted over and over again. The number continued to grow as Ben held it in his hand. 

The video was of them from the party. They were dancing and smiling on the club dance floor. They seemed lost in their own little world as danced to "Super Freak" together. 

The comments that were left weren’t exactly cruel. People were mocking their obvious drunkenness, but other people seemed impressed. 

“It’s labeled “Couple Goals,” Joe told him, groaning into his hands. “I’m never drinking again. I’m never going out again.” 

“I’ve heard that before.” Ben teased, earning himself a glare from his husband. “Hungry?” 

“I can’t eat I’m too busy dying of embarrassment.” 

Ben snorted, tossing the phone onto the bed. “Please. Not nearly the most terrible thing we’ve done. Remember the Golden Globes last year?” 

“Never mention that to me. Ever.” Joe swore, glaring at him. 

Ben laughed aloud, turning to leave the room. He’d save the remainder for later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I am doing anymore. 
> 
> Anybody wanna know what happened at the Golden Globes?


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, what exactly happened at the Golden Globes anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the stupidest thing I've ever written, but Y'all asked for it so here you go.

GOLDEN GLOBES. It had been a dream of Ben and Joe’s since they started out in the industry. Being nominated was a dream come true. A nomination meant being recognized for your talent. For your worth. Ben knew that talented people didn’t get nominated and sometimes those who do aren’t as deserving, but it still meant a lot to him when he was given the chance to see his name up in lights. 

 

It was the first time Ben had been nominated on his own. Not the show or an episode, but Ben as an actor. It was a true honor and he couldn’t have been happier to hear the news.

 

Their daughter was just a year old when they were given the news and Ben had been working on trying to balance a good career and a loving family. And to his surprise, it was working. Things were still hectic and sometimes he felt like he was in over his head, but he was happy and so was Joe.

 

Joe was ecstatic to be apart of Ben’s celebration and cheer him on. They had won their Emmy already and Joe was currently working on a new film that he was feeling very proud of. One that he swore was finally going to get him that Oscar nom that he wanted so desperately. Ben would stand by his husband no matter what he did, but even he had to admit the latest film was something different. 

 

Something wonderful. 

 

Something that was going to get tons of attention and buzz. It was exciting and new and they were ready to take on the world. 

 

It was the first award show they had gone to since their daughter was morning and really, they thought about skipping it. Ben knew it was terrible, but he missed their little warrior princess. She was growing every day and all he wanted was to spend the night with her. Playing little games and watching as she chased after Frankie. 

 

Ben knew it was quite pathetic, but he didn’t care in the least. Emmeline was their entire world and he was completely content with that. 

 

Joe felt the same, but even he wanted to go to the shop. To set out in the open where they were being honored. To dress to the nines, with gelled hair and perfection. Joe had taunted him with the reminder of how good they had looked at the Emmy’s the year prior when their daughter was born. They didn’t even make it to the show. Their fantastic outfits went to waste.

 

Joe didn’t want that to happen again. He wanted to show off to the world and he wasn’t going to let the blond pretend like staying home was an option. 

 

So he gave in and allowed his husband to have his way. They got their suits and had the makeup people come along. They got airbrushed and were made to look pretty. Like the perfect Ken dolls, they were expected to look like. 

 

They kissed their daughter goodbye and got into their town car. They walked the red carpet, smiling and posing and answering questions. It really was wonderful, even if Ben knew he didn’t stand a chance at actually winning. Just being there was enough for him. 

 

They met up with a few friends and took pictures. They smiled and laughed as the show went on. It was enjoyable, though Ben was itching to check on Priya and Emmy. He would sneak away whenever he could. It got to the point where Joe was getting annoyed with it. 

 

He caught him in the bathroom, his arms crossed as Ben checked his phone, smiling as he looked at the pictures of Emmy that Priya had given him. Coming forward, he snatched the phone from his hands. 

 

“Enough. We’re at the fucking Golden Globes, you can let this go for a night.” Joe told him with a roll of his eyes. 

 

“This? Do you mean focusing on our one-year-old? I told you I didn’t care about coming tonight. Now come on. Emmy’s having a tea party.” 

 

“Do you hear yourself? You’ve worked your ass off for this!” Joe told him eagerly. 

 

He wasn’t wrong. He had been thinking about it for so long, having the chance to finally show off his talent and be gifted for it. Now was his chance to show off and he should be milking it for all it was worth, but he just didn’t have the need anymore. 

 

Ben never thought it would be possible but being here wasn’t his happy place. This wasn’t his home. Joe was. Their daughter was. And Ben didn’t want to miss the little things because some people in suits thought he did his job well.

 

“Gimme my phone back.” 

 

Joe shook his head. “Enough. We have to get back to our seats.”

 

Ben narrowed his eyes at the man, holding his hand out. “Joe, come on, gimme my phone.” 

 

When his husband refused his request, Ben moved forward to grab it. They went back and forth, playing their little game. Eventually, it began to truly annoy the blond and he pulled a bit too hard, shoving his husband back. The movement caught Joe off guard and he pushed back to keep himself standing, only for Ben to be knocked back into the sink. 

 

The action along shouldn’t have mattered, but when he did, he knocked the nozzle off the handle, forcing water to spray everywhere. Neither had realized just how old this place. How bad the plumbing was. The two men scrambled to get away, to put a stop it the endless sprays of water or get someone who could help them, only for Joe to slip from the ground, falling face forward on the tile.

 

He let out a loud scream and there was a rush of security as Ben knelt to the ground in the puddles to help his husband up. 

 

There was a three-second period where everything was frozen, and now suddenly they were wet and Joe was bleeding. Security was trying to get the situation under control and it had to be the most ridiculous scene. 

 

It didn’t even seem real. Before they were having a tiny spat that barely mattered and now they were partially naked in the dressing rooms while the people behind the scenes tried to find them something to wear. They had an ice pack against Joe’s face and he was checked by the EMT’s. His nose wasn’t broken, thank goodness, but he was in bad shape. 

 

Bruised and beaten, the color left his cheeks all except for the black and blue marks that were left over. 

 

Everybody knew at this point. They hadn’t returned to their seats and Ben was fairly certain they wouldn’t be going back out. Joe put up a fight not wanting to go to the hospital, but going back and pretending like everything was fine and normal wasn’t an option anymore. 

 

It was wild and ridiculous and half the people thought they broke the sink by fucking against it. It was by far the worst night of their lives.

 

“I can’t believe this happened,” Joe grumbled, leaning back against the couch.

 

Ben turned towards his husband, placing a hand on his knee. “We can head out if you like. I’m okay with that.” 

 

“This is supposed to be your night,” Joe whined softly.

 

“I know and it still is. I can enjoy it without celebrating, Joe. Come on, look at us.” It wasn’t how either had pictures how this night was done. They were in there under clothes and Joe’s face was swollen and muffled. “I miss Emmy. Besides it’s not like I’m actually going to win.”

 

“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” Joe muttered. “It’s still early.”

 

“We’ll get McDonald’s on the way,” Ben muttered, patting his knee as he stood. 

 

They had the car come around after changing into the clothing that had been provided to him. Joe climbed in first, lying back on the seats. Ben’s phone went off, and he checked to see a text from Tom, his agent. 

 

_YOU FUCKING WON!!!_

 

“Huh,” Ben muttered softly.

 

That certainly didn’t go as expected. Then again the entire night didn’t go as planned.

 

“Do you think we should get Emmy a happy meal?” Joe called out from inside the car.

 

Ben sent back a quick reply, telling him to have someone accept the award on his behalf. Twitter would be in shambles in no time. Ben and Joe suddenly disappearing and Joe’s bruises nose wouldn’t be going anyway and Ben was certainly sure someone who worked in the back would tell the world they broke the bloody sink.

 

Right now none of that mattered, he had more important things he had to do.

 

Like, get his little girl some chicken nuggets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the birthday wishes. Somehow, someway, my friend was able to convince Gwilym Lee of all people to tweet me and I basically spent my birthday walking on air. 
> 
> Hopefully, you liked all of this. I don't know what I'll write next, but I'm always open for more. 
> 
> The next chapter With Every Single Beat of My Heart will be posted in the next day or so. Until then, happy reading!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, fair warning, this chapter is a little more depressing than most. It's not overly bad, but this story has always been rather light-hearted and sweet. This chapter talks about real-life events. Nothing explicit, so I apologize ahead of time.

Joe refused to talk about it. Refused to acknowledge it. He completely ignored it and that was what angered Ben the most. This wasn’t something you could just ignore. Something you could pretend like didn’t exist. 

 

Joe had been feeling ill for a while now. He pushed it off like it was nothing, but it wasn’t anything. He had been complaining about headaches, about dizziness. He had been having trouble sleeping and would wake up in pain. Some of the people on set would tell him how Joe would have to wear sunglasses because the lights were just too bright.

 

Any time Ben would bring it up Joe would reflect. It wasn’t something to worry about. To put thought into. He was getting old, his eyes were getting sensitive. That was all. Ben wanted to believe him and almost did until it got too much to ignore. 

 

Ben had been on set when he got the phone call. It was from Emmy. At five years old she was smart enough to comprehend most things, and they taught her how to use the phone in case there was an emergency.

 

She called Ben before calling the police because she was scared. Scared because Joe wasn’t speaking, wasn’t awake. Emmy said they had been playing and suddenly he was out cold on the ground. Daddy had fallen asleep and wasn’t waking up. 

 

Ben feared the worst, imagining Joe having an aneurysm or something worst while at home along with the kids and dying right there in front of them. 

 

JJ was crying in the background and Ben could see Emmy was crying too, though she was trying to be brave. 

 

Though young, Emma was wise for her age and Ben had her do something a bit drastic. Having to prepare for a role always came in handy and Ben instructed her to take a glass of any kind and hold it to his mouth, his nose, to make sure he was breathing.

 

The only glass she could find had juice in it and Ben told her to toss it to the floor. They could clean it later. She did as she was told, though obviously terrified. She told Ben that there was fog coming from daddy’s mouth and Ben allowed himself to relax a little.

 

Ben stayed on the phone with her and had the director of his shoot, Dexter Fletcher, send an ambulance to his home. Ben rushed home as quickly as possible, sending a text to Gwilym to ray with the kids since he was in the area now. 

 

Seeing their father lying on the floor completely unconscious wasn’t something Ben ever wanted for his kids. Emmy held onto him tightly, her brave face now gone as she was in the arms of her Papa. 

 

He stayed with them for a little while longer, calming them down and putting them to sleep. Emmy welcomed JJ into her bed, cuddling with him as they drifted off. 

 

Gwilym stayed with them, not wanting to leave them alone with the nanny while their parents were gone. 

 

When Ben arrives at the hospital Joe was awake. He was angry and wouldn’t speak a word because he knew this was his fault. He ignored the signs and tried too hard to act like everything was okay.

 

The truth was he was scared. Scared because he recognized the signs far too well and he didn’t want to face the fact that he may have what his own father had. That he may lose his life and his mind the same way his father lost his.

 

Ben was angry but he didn’t want to fight. They had to handle this to be the best of their abilities. They couldn’t ignore this anymore. They couldn’t pretend. They had to handle it no matter what the results were.

 

“How am I supposed to handle this, Ben? How am I supposed to go home and look our children in the eyes knowing I may never do it again.”

 

“You don’t know that. They have treatments for this.” 

 

“Treatments that don’t work. My own father had treatments and all it did was drain him. I watched him wither away into nothing. I don’t want Emmy and JJ to do the same with me.” 

 

“So you’d rather just ignore it? You’d rather them find you dead on the floor like they almost did today? Treatment can at least help you. Not fighting it won’t make it go away. You have to face this.”

 

Ben reached forward, taking his hand. Their wedding bands shining in the bright hospital light. They hadn’t spoken of it, what would happen if one of them died. It didn’t seem possible. Like some dark alternate universe. Neither wanted to handle it, but it was just something they’d have to discuss.

 

“We’re in this together,” Ben told him. “You and me, forever. Remember?” 

 

Joe looked away, tears welling in his eyes. “I don’t want to let go of this life,” he confessed, his voice broken. 

 

“Then we fight. Do you hear me? We’re going to fight this.” 

 

Joe bobbed his head, crying freely. Ben pulled the man into him, hugging him tightly and holding onto one another as they wept and cried. 

 

It was a little less than an hour later when the doctor got to them. They had run all sorts of test on Joe and to their relief, everything came up negative. It seems the brunet has been suffering from a migraine that would need to be handled with medicine but other than that he was free of any possible cancers. 

 

Ben had never been so relieved in his entire life. This wasn’t over, not by a long shot. Joe still had a long ways ahead of him but for now, they could relax and return home to their family, without worry of the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I honestly don't have any more ideas for this story, but like I always say, I won't even say its the end because who the hell knows where my mind will go next. 
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally only wrote this because someone on Wattpad suggested it.

Ben didn’t know how it happened.

All right, that is a bit of a stretch. He knew damn well how it happened. It happened because his husband — so loving, so wonderful, so fucking annoying — decided to teach their daughter to ride a bike without him.

Ben had been on location and Emmy, ever the eager child was determined to learn how to ride her bike without training wheels. She begged Ben to take the chance now that she was going to be a little bit older (she’d be five soon enough) and the blond agreed.

All she had to do was wait two days. Two fucking days and he’d be finished with shooting and back home to his perfect little family. And she was content with waiting.

Joe, on the other hand, wasn’t.

And Ben knew it wasn’t something Joe was doing out of the goodness of his heart. Oh no. They had recently had a bit of a spat due to Ben having to extend his time away. There were new stunts added and wanting to be the good actor he was, Ben preferred to do them on his own. So instead of two weeks, it was an entire month away.

Ben knew it was incredibly long, but the shots needed to be made and it was worth the wait. He Skyped with the children almost daily and despite missing him, neither seemed to be acting badly. No tantrums or anything of the sort. They were good children and Ben knew he would be home soon enough.

Joe, on the other hand, didn’t like his husband being away, doing ridiculous stunts that could get him hurt. Ben tried to reason with his husband, explain to him that it was all secure and he’d never do anything that could put his life in real danger.

Still, the two went back and forth. Not so much arguing, but rather short, cold words exchanged. Ben knew when he returned home, all would be forgiven.

That was until he walked in to find out his daughter already knew how to ride a bike without his assistance. Daddy had taught her and while to other it didn’t seem like an issue, Ben felt the crushing weight of betrayal take over.

They had talked about it late at night when Emmy was just a few weeks old. She slept between them; both watching the gorgeous creature they brought to life. They spoke of all the things they wanted to teach her. Joe wanted her to swim and do softball, while Ben wanted to show her how to ride a bike and do ballet.

Little things that didn’t really matter, but at the same time, meant so much to each man.

Ben had brought it up and Joe just shrugged. “If you had been home, you would have been the one to teach her,”

“Two days,” Ben told him, his green eyes narrowing. “She was more than okay with waiting two days.”

Joe just shrugged again. Ben didn’t bother fighting with the man because what was the point? If Joe was going to be an asshole about this, be a bitter bitch, then so be it. Ben could be one right back.

One thing Joe was oh so eager to do was get Emmy a pet of her own. They had talked about it, wanting her to have a bit of responsibility. A turtle had been suggested or even some fish, but no. Ben was better than that.

Bringing her to the pet store, he let the young girl roam around, explaining that this would be an early birthday gift for her. She could choose whatever she wanted. No limits. Emmy was practically ripping at the seams, running around as she tried to pick the best pet.

Her animal of choice: a hedgehog.

Ben blamed it on her love of badgers and this basically being as close as she could get to having a wild animal as a live-in a pet. Ben researched everything on the way home, understanding this and that, trying his best to explain it all to Emmy.

When Joe returned home later that night, Ben waited.

And waited and waited and waited until finally, he heard it. The shout from his husbands bellowing a voice, and the sound of the footsteps stomping up to their bedroom.

“What did you do?!” Joe demanded.

“Hello, love. How was the writing room?”

“You bought her fucking  _hedgehog_?” Joe demanded.

“Well, darling, you did say for her next birthday she could get another pet.”

“That’s not a pet, that’s a weapon!” Joe snapped, his hands at his hips as he walked further into the room. “We agreed on something small and gentle.”

“Joseph, Spike is small and quite soft if you give him a try.”

Joe crunched up his face, gasping at the words. “You let her name is  _Spike!_? That’s not even original!”

“Are you finished being dramatic?” Ben questioned.

“I thought we agreed to go together?” Joe questioned.

It was Ben’s turn to shrug and he did, going back to his book casually. “And I thought we agreed I’d teach her to ride a bike without trainers.”

“Are you joking?” Joe demanded, reaching out to slap the book out of Ben’s grasp. “Grow up.”

“Says the one who bloody slapped me.”

“She wanted to learn, I taught her. Big deal!”

“All right. When JJ wants to learn how to hit a baseball, I’ll make sure I teach him.”

Joe rolled his eyes, turning away. “Like you could even hit one.”

“Look, I am not the one who got bitchy because I was away!” Ben fired back at him. “The film is fucking wrapped. I’m home until my next offer, you couldn’t be . . . you . . . for two weeks?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“It means if you don’t get your way, you act more like a child than our own children,” Ben answered him. “You didn’t have to teach Emmy because she wanted to learn. You taught her to spite me.”

Joe scoffed, pacing the fourth carelessly. “You’re ridiculous.” He told him.

“Whatever, Joe. Emmy is happy with Spike, so I suggest you Google hedgehog pet care.”

“I’ll just pay someone to take care of it if she can’t.”

“You can’t pay someone for everything,” Ben groaned.

“Yes, I can! I won an Oscar so I will do what I want!” Joe screamed, storming out of the door, slamming the door behind him.

Ben rolled his eyes, allowing his husband to groan and whine about the situation. Ben focused on other things, like spending time with his children. JJ was giggling, pretending to be chased around by Spike while both Romeo and Frankie kept at bay. They were still iffy about the tiny creature that roamed around the home.

Joe stood off in the background, sulking as he glared at the sight of it all. Like he couldn’t just accept that this was happening. This was their life together. How odd it was. Ben looked over the back of the couch, trying to offer him a smile.

They may have fought, but Ben was still hopelessly in love with that man. And he was so hopelessly happy with how their lives turned out.

Reaching out, he offered a hand to Joe, waiting patiently until the brunet finally broke and took it. Ben pulled him in close, bringing Joe’s hand to kiss at the back of it gently, his thumb running over Joe’s wedding band.

“I’m sorry I taught her how to ride. She fell once and I started crying.” Joe confessed softly.

“I’m sorry I took her to get a pet without you, though I think she’s happy with how it turned out.”

“I can’t believe she chose a fucking hedgehog.”

“Especially since she was really aiming for a tarantula,” Ben confessed.

Joe’s eyes widened and Ben found himself wanting to laugh even though it wasn’t remotely a joke. Joe groaned, leaning back against the couch. “Next time: a hamster.”

“Yes, darling.”


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all can thank Ben Hardy for posting pictures of him and Joe on vacay cause thats literally where this came from

Ben was growing restless and he knew why. Life had become so wonderful for the two men and neither truly knew what to expect next. They worked endlessly, but no longer did they have to fight for anything. Roles and films were offered their way and they were finally given a choice to say what they wanted to do rather than petition or audition. They had their little family that was constantly growing.

 

Emmy was five and JJ was three. They had Frankie, and Romeo, and Spike. They were constantly doing things as families, like go to the park or the museum. After finally (bloody fucking finally) choosing a house that was big enough for all of them to grow in without basically being on top of one another, they had gotten comfortable in their surroundings.

 

But that was the issue. Ben was not used to being comfortable and always found a way to excuse himself from it. To him, getting comfortable always lead to getting bored and he didn’t want to get bored. Even as they grew older, Ben still wanted to hold onto the idea of being thing young, attractive man who had the world at his fingertips. It had been bothering him for a few days now, to the point where it must have been obvious because Joe finally cornered him, demanding he explains what the hell was going on. 

 

He didn’t mean for it to slip out like some heated rant. He went from not caring in the least to suddenly blurting out everything that had been bugging him for the past two weeks. From the little things like how Emmy’s kindergarten teacher commented on the slight accent she had while pronouncing certain words to not being able to choose between two films, he had been offered. 

 

Joe wanted to help and he did by listening to him, letting his husband slip his guts out orally, but it wasn’t enough. Finally Ben came to the conclusion that they had to get away. “Just us.” He clarified. He watched the wheels turn in Joe’s head, understanding what he wanted. 

 

“You mean without the kids?” Joe asked, pulling away from where he had been holding Ben’s hand. “Benny, come on. We can’t leave them behind.” 

 

“We’re not leaving them behind,” Ben insisted. “We’re not! We’ve taken them on vacation before and we’ll go on one when summer comes, but Joe — be real. You need this just as much as I do.” 

 

They needed time away. Not so much from their children, but from everything. Away from reality, away from the stress. For one solid minute, Ben didn’t want to be Movie Star Ben Hardy or Papa or anything of the sort. He just wanted to be Ben. He just wanted to sit in the bloody sun with a drink in his hand and his arm wrapped around the man he loved desperately. 

 

Joe didn’t seem to want the same. He was sitting back on the bed, his hand constantly running over his mouth the same way he would do it when he was thinking too hard on something. 

 

“Vacations are meant for family,” Joe commented. “My parents never went away without us. I can’t . . . what would we even do? What would we even tell them?” 

 

“We’ve gone places without them before, Joe. You’re making it seem like we’re abandoning them.” Ben grumbled, already feeling guilty for even having the idea. 

 

How many times have they gone to Disneyland or World? How many times they had done to bloody Sesame Place or Hersey Park or even bloody Dutch Wonderland in the middle of fucking nowhere? Ben and Joe always made time for their children. Always went places with them so they would have these memories as they got older? 

 

Was he really so selfish for wanting to be with his husband? Was he truly such a horrible father for wanting to be away for a fucking weekend?

 

“No, of course, you’re not,” Joe mentioned, coming to his side. Ben hadn’t realized he had spoken those thoughts aloud. Joe went to take his hand once more, but the blond stopped him, standing to his feet, moving off the bed to walk across the room. 

 

“It’s fine. I’m just tired is all.” 

 

Ben was tired. Tired of the stress and the same shit happening again and again. Of falling into a rut. He made an excuse to leave the room, deciding that going for a run would be enough to clear his head. They had a workout room in the house, but he ignored it, choosing to go run in the fresh air. He was gone for about an hour, coming back with his hair sweaty and hoodie clinging to him. 

 

When he returned, he was hoping they could fool around a bit, the run relaxing him to a degree, but Joe was already in bed, fast asleep. Sighing in defeat, Ben went for a shower, deciding to take his time since he had nobody waiting for him. 

 

When he finished, he checked on the kids, making sure everything and everyone was where it was meant to be before finally going to bed. Neither Ben nor Joe brought up the conversation again for a week. They let time go on, letting it slip through their fingers. 

 

Ben convinced himself that it had been selfish, that he had just been extremely tired and anxious about everything going on around him. He made the conscious choice to apologize to Joe for even suggesting a thing and fully planned on carrying it out when he came home one evening. 

 

Except, instead of finding Joe relaxing on the couch or playing with the dog, he was in their room, furiously throwing clothes into a bag. Ben didn’t think the worst, because he knew it wasn’t a possibility. No matter how badly they argued (and sometimes it was downright terrible) neither man would even think of leaving the other. 

 

So when Ben stood in the doorway of their bedroom, it was confusion not worry that crossed Ben’s mind. Joe didn’t stop when he was spotted, though his hands found their way to his hips as he gave the blond a pointed look. 

 

“About time you got home. Your bag is in the corner.”

 

Cocking his head, he found his suitcase sitting in the corner of the room. “Is something wrong?” 

 

“Nope!” Joe replied, the “P” sounding harsh and pointed, making it very clear that something was in fact wrong.

 

“Joseph,” Ben began, stepping closer to him. 

 

“Emmy got sick at school today,” Joe told him outright. “She’s fine. She traded her juice box for chocolate milk and she had a bad reaction to it.” 

 

“Is it the lactose intolerance?” 

 

They had noticed their daughter carried the digestive disorder for some time now and while it wasn’t that big of a deal, their five-year-old didn’t fully understand what it meant. She was just a little girl so she had no real qualms on whether or not something was going to make her feel ill. All she cared about was the delicious flavors she could get from it. 

 

“Probably. But her teacher called me down and then basically ripped me a new asshole and said I need to take better care of my child. What, like I’m supposed to tell her not to trade her shit?” Joe huffed again, tossing another shirt into the suitcase he was currently packing. “She goes to private school. Every parent there is a fucking millionaire yet she acts like we’re the only ones who have a nanny.” 

 

They had been having issues with Emmy’s teacher for some time now. Despite having several students with famous parents, they realized this woman seemed to single them out on more than one occasion. Ben didn’t want to run and cry homophobe, but accusing them of not watching their children when he and Joe were around more than any other parent just seemed a bit odd. 

 

“We work so fucking hard, Ben. All I do is write and edit, write and edit and you are battling between which script to choose. You’re right. We deserve time to ourselves. We deserve a break. We deserve . . . fucking everything.” 

 

“All right. Then let’s do it.” Walking over, Ben took Joe’s suitcase, pushing it closed and zipping it up. “Where to, darling?” 

 

As it turned out, they weren’t going very far. Joe had gotten them a waterside sweet at a tiny resort in Catalina Island. It was beautiful and private, two things both men appreciated. Ben wouldn’t lie and say it was easy to leave their children, but Joe’s mother was kind enough to come down and stay at the house so they could at least know they were in good hands. 

 

Five days. That was what they agreed to. Despite the stress of it, Joe couldn’t go a full week without his children and three days just didn’t seem long enough. They needed a vacation and to be honest, five days seemed like more than enough, while also not being long enough. 

 

Maybe Ben was just greedy. Maybe he wanted to have Joe all to himself for as long as humanly possible. 

 

When they arrived, they settled into the hotel. They hadn’t been on vacation without the children since before Emmy was born and even then it was rare. They lived in California, so finding paradise wasn’t very hard. Sometimes they would go to Europe to visit Ben’s family or Gwilym or Allen or head to New York for a bit, but rarely did they ever settle somewhere like this. 

 

Ben found his husband leaning over the balcony, admiring the view of the ocean just across the way. He wrapped his arms around him from behind, pulling him in close as his chin went to rest on Joe’s shoulder. 

 

“So. Do we go explore or stay inside all day?” He whispered to him. Joe replied with a small chuckle and Ben tightened his arms around him. “Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?” 

 

“I think you’ve mentioned it once or twice before,” Joe confessed, turning his head so their eyes could meet. “God, have your eyes always been that green?”

 

Ben hummed, leaning in to kiss along Joe’s jawline. “Only when I’m looking at you.” 

 

“Was this vacation just an excuse to flirt with me? You know you could have done that at home.” 

 

“I could have but it’s not nearly as fun.” Joe turned in his arms then, and Ben kept his hold onto him. “We could have a bit of a game, you know. We never really did have much of a courting.” 

 

Their getting together had been rather unique in its own right. From barely friends to loves in such a short time. And then from lovers to long distance and then back to lovers that never wanted to be apart. Ben never got a chance to ask Joe on a proper date. By the time it got around to it, they were already so lost to one another that it wasn’t even dating. It was two people in love going to grab a meal for a night. 

 

Joe leaned away, his expression twisting up with mild amusement. “Are you . . . do you want to pick me up?” Joe asked, unable to keep his smile from growing. “Oh, Benny. Benny, no. I don’t think either of us can act well enough to do that.” 

 

It was Ben’s turn to laugh. He hadn’t meant like that, without utterly ridiculous it was. He could see them now, both trying their best not to burst in their seats, flirting anxiously like they hadn’t been married for seven years. 

 

Seven bloody years. 

 

Ten years ago, Ben Hardy didn’t even know who Joe Mazzello was. Now they were married with children. What a wild, wild world they lived in. 

 

“I didn’t mean like that! But it would be nice to take you out like old times.” 

 

“You mean back when we used to go to restaurants that didn’t serve chicken tenders.” 

 

“Exactly that.” They rarely went out, to begin with, because what was the point when they could have everything delivered or do the cooking themselves. Emmy and JJ weren’t picky in the least, but children grew restless and unless they had something to focus on, taking them out for dinner was tricker than they wanted to admit.

 

“All right.” Joe decided, his arms going to wrap around his husband’s neck. “Woo me, Mr. Hardy.” 

 

Ben wiggled his eyebrows, walking backward so they could go back into their room. Wooing Joe was the easiest thing in the world for Ben. Not only because Joe was (incredibly) easy to please but he also knew him better than he knew himself. 

 

They sat on the beach and ordered drinks. Gone were the days when they had to make sure their bank account had enough funds for them to be able to splurge. They were privileged enough to not have to worry about money anymore. So they got the best of the best of everything. Best drinks, best rooms, best food. 

 

It was nice, though Ben could feel Joe was holding back. He caught him staring at his phone, texting his mother about the kids. Ben wasn’t going to force Joe to put his phone away, wasn’t going to demand that he pretend like their children didn’t exist for their time away. 

 

Still, when Joe put his phone down, Ben made sure to reach over and take his hand instead. Joe laced their fingers easily, sipping down the large (almost pathetically so) drink as the sun beamed down on them. 

 

The tiny resort was a little slice of paradise and both men prepared to get the most of it. Aside from sitting on the beach, they made their way out to the shops and out onto the water. They rented a boat for a day and enjoyed their time there, seeing the dolphins and taking advantage of being on the clear water. 

 

It was a romantic scene and both were more than eager to take the chance to make sweet, sticky, disgusting love on the boat as it swayed by the water. They didn’t have half as much sex after having children and while that never seemed like a big deal to them, they decided to make the most of their time away. 

 

They couldn’t go on as much as they had when they were just starting their relationship, but Joe swore until the day his hips no longer worked, he would fuck his husband and when his hips did stop working, he’d get a hip replacement so they could carry on after that. 

 

Sex on the water, in the sand, though whoever thought sex on the sand was a good idea was a bloody moron. They were rolling around, thrusting and getting sand in places that sand should not be. They contemplated fucking in the resort pool but the idea of chlorine getting in either of their assholes just didn’t sound appetizing so they chose to just rut against one another during a make-out session like two horny teenagers. 

 

They did more than just have sex, though to be honest, that was a good majority of what they did. They shopped and bought far too much and went out to dinner and ate more than they should have. It was obvious they didn’t know what to do with themselves while on vacation and just spent money without care. 

 

Joe joked that he would just win another award to pay for it, which would have been amusing if that wasn’t the life they were living. Both successful and smart when it came to their careers. Joe would win another award and so would Ben. They had their whole lives ahead of them and both looked so eager for it. 

 

On their final night, they decided to go out and found something of a dance club. They had only been to one in their time, a dingy little place in London that Ben found out about through a friend. They had been so shy and even while being out, they didn’t dance close. They bopped to the music and drank their beers. They just existed, not really doing much as they still had no much to learn about being a legitimate couple. 

 

That was long ago, however. Now they were wildly comfortable with one another. Joe pulled Ben onto the dance floor without a single thought, their arms bound around one another to keep each other pressed as they danced to whatever pop-dance tune the DJ had selected. 

 

Neither knew how long they had been dancing floor, but by the time they arrived back to their suite, their clothes were sticking to them and their hearts were practically beating out of their chest. They were kissing and touching and gripping. So careless but also somehow careful. They knew where to touch, they knew what to do. 

 

They didn’t drink much because they didn’t need to. They could be happy without the liquid buzz, even if it was so, so delicious. They went back and forth, taking in everything they could. They fucked for as long as possible, treating it like it would be their last time ever even if both men would rather eat their own tongues than never have sex with their husband again. 

 

When the day came and it was time to go, Ben found it . . . comforting. It wasn’t bittersweet or sad. They had their time and he was happy for it. Ben was glad they had done this, finally taken time for them and not worried about anybody else. 

 

When they returned home, it was late. Neither planned on waking their children, but Ben couldn’t stop himself. He put on a good face, but he missed his children terribly. They spoke with them a couple of times, but it wasn’t enough. Ben was fairly certain he and Joe would go away with one another again, but he was also certain they’d take the children somewhere wonderful at least five times before they made that journey. 

 

He went to JJ first, who was snuggling on the bed with Romeo by his side. Ben felt a tiny ping of guilt when the small boy stirred when he opened the door, but the bright smile he received when the toddler realized he had returned was enough to make up for it. 

 

“Papa!” He scrambled through his blankets and Ben scooped the small boy up into his arms. JJ was talking a mile a minute, his little thoughts catching up and confusing his tongue. Ben just carried him on, bringing him into the next room to get Emmy, who was just as ecstatic to see him. 

 

Joe was shaking his head when Ben brought the children into their room with the promise of giving them one of the gifts they had brought back from the island. Ben looked sheepishly to his husband, but their smile was just the same. 

 

Being away was refreshing and new, but there was nothing quite like returning to their perfect little family. This was where they belonged and neither could be happier. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How the fuck did we get here y'all? I mean honestly. This went from being such a long and serious story about two friends who fell in love and now we're what? 13 fucking chapters in and they have children and it's disgustingly domestic. Lord below, what a wild ride.


	15. Chapter 15

Ben had never done this before. The whole gay club experience. Men dancing close, wearing provocative clothing with hopes of finding someone handsome to go home with. Ben didn’t want to go home with just anybody. He wasn’t a hopeless romantic, not in the least, but he still wanted to have some form of connection with the person he spent his evening with. 

 

He had yet to find that, choosing to stray clear of the dance floor as he sat by the bar, nursing his beer. His week had been absolute hell and he thought he’d try something different. Something new. He was sure it sounded ridiculous. He wasn’t some twenty-year-old lad fresh off the plane, looking for a bit of fun. 

 

He was a grown man who career and responsibilities, sitting in a very loud bar, drinking a very warm beer, hoping that the right one would have to come along so he wouldn’t have to go home alone again. 

 

People had come up to him; good looking men who liked what they saw in him and hoped to take advantage of that, but he passed on them all. Maybe he was being picky. Maybe he was a fool. Maybe he was just shit out of luck and missed his last chance to have something good. He just didn’t know. 

 

Ben jumped when a body slammed into his next to the bar, his hand hitting into his glass; he barely touched beer splashing over the rim of the glass and onto the counter. The man was leaning over the bar, trying his best to see names of the bottles across the way. He turned his head, catching Ben’s eyes before looking down at the mess he had caused.

 

“Oh. My bad, man.” He apologized lazily. “You good?” 

 

“Fine,” Ben answered, using the stray napkins on top of the bar to mop up the puddle. 

 

“Hi! Rum and coke, please? And . . .” The man paused, looking over to Ben and his glass. “what is that? Bud? Whatever you have on tap for this guy.”

 

Ben raised his brow, caught off guard once again by his bar-mate. The drink had slipped, but it wasn’t the end of the world. It was Ben’s own fault for not finishing it while he had the chance. The night was growing long and the wild ones were coming out of the woodwork. He shouldn’t have been surprised that an overzealous patron would come along.

 

“Nah, Nah. You should have a fresh drink.” The man insisted, pulling his wallet out to grab the cash he had. He tossed the bartender the bills, thanking them as their drinks had been placed in front of them. 

 

The man lifted his glass, clinking it against the ice cold replacement Ben had been given. “Cheers!” He announced, turning around so he could lean back against the bar and survey the scene. 

 

Ben hummed in response, sipping slowly at his drink. It was better, that much was for sure. He appreciated that. It made the night a little less disappointing. 

 

“Questioning?” The man called out suddenly. 

 

“I’m sorry?” 

 

“You just . . . you seem kind of out of place.” The man told him, shimming his shoulders in a way that made Ben feel like he was sort of being made fun of. “You’ve been sitting here for a while.” 

 

“You’ve watched me?” 

 

“No dancing or drinking. This isn’t exactly the ‘come and contemplate about life’ sort of places.”

 

Ben leaned back, giving the man a once over. He was dressed comfortably, in denim and black button down. His hair was brown or maybe red; it was hard to see in the light. He had a nice face, that much was for certain, but so did half the people in the bar, including Ben himself. 

 

“I’ve never been here before,” Ben admitted. 

 

That got a smile from the man. “That part was obvious.” 

 

“Are you a regular?”

 

“Me? Oh yeah! I come here all the time.” The guy confessed, sipping slowly at his glass. “And I’ve never seen you before.” 

 

“Well, here I am.” Ben turned back towards the bar, back towards his drink. 

 

He thought the man would get over him; would move on and find someone else to play with and leave Ben to his own devices. Alas, that didn’t happen. The man continued to stand beside him, sitting casually as he swirled his rum and coke with the plastic straw they had given him. 

 

“Here you are.” The man mentioned, his eyes lingering on Ben for a short moment before he spoke again. “Why are you here?” 

 

Ben paused, taken back by the question. “Why is anyone here?” 

 

“Well, most people come to a gay bar to have a bit of fun.” The man mentioned, his lips forming an almost mocking smile in the changing lights. “People come to dance or drink and meet new people. You on the other hand just seem to be sitting here.”

 

“I’m drinking.” He mentioned, gesturing to the glass in front of him. 

 

“You could have gone to any bar in town if you wanted a drink. You could have stayed at home if you wanted to drink. That’s why I asked if you’re questioning.” 

 

“Questioning what?” The look he was given said it all. “Oh.” 

 

Ben wasn’t questioning. He hadn’t been for a very long time. He knew what he liked, what he wanted. And even if he didn’t always go out and get it, that didn’t mean he was confused or questioning. 

 

“Nothing to be ashamed of.” The man told him gently. “Some people are just late bloomers. And hey, first time for everything.” 

 

“I take it you’ve known your entire life?”

 

“That I’ve liked dick? Oh yeah. I’ve known since I was a kid.” The man mentioned, going to lean beside him casually. “Have you ever seen Jurassic Park? Ten years old me seeing Jeff Goldbloom? Oh, I was a goner.” He gave this dreamy sigh, reaching out to poke him playfully. “Who was your gay-wakening?” 

 

“My what?” 

 

“Who made you realize you liked dick?” The guy said outright. “An actor? A neighbor?”

 

Oh. Ben thought about it for a moment, pausing when he finally came to the conclusion. “There was a music video I saw back when I was in primary school. They showed it on the telly. The band was great, but one of the musicians, Roger Taylor. He really caught my eye.” 

 

“Who?” 

 

“Roger Taylor,” Ben replied. “He’s the drummer of Queen.” 

 

“Oh. Sorry, I’m not of a disco-pop kind of guy.” With that, he downed his drink without care, slamming the glass onto the bar. He let out a whooping yell, stretching his arms out as he jumped off his stand. “Welp, off to the dance floor I go.” He announced, turning back to Ben, his hands falling to his hips. “What are the chances I can persuade you to give it ago?” 

 

Ben shook his head, his fist wrapping around the half-drank beer. “I don’t dance, mate.” 

 

“Would you dance with me if I was Taylor Rogers?” 

 

“Roger Taylor!” 

 

“Whatever! Whoever! Either get on the dance floor or give up your seat for another pouty bi.” 

 

“How did you know I was….” Ben didn’t get an answer. The man shuffled off onto the dance floor, disappearing between the throws of people. 

 

Ben didn’t know why he was there. Sitting at a place like this where you’re not supposed to sit and wallow, but have the life if your young gay life. A place that had poppy-funk tracks and changing lights. A place where lovers met even if it was just for a night. 

 

Ben never wanted anything for just one night, but maybe there was a first time for everything. Leaving his beer at the bar, Ben crossed through, in search of that hazel eyed mad man that had gathered his attention for a short while.

 

He found him dancing with a stranger and a sense of enviousness and even a sprinkle of jealousy rolled through Ben, though he swallowed it down as he made his way over. He watched him for a moment, how his hips swayed to the music and rolled his head back so casually. 

 

When their eyes met again, he smiled and without another thought, the mystery man pushed away from his date and cut through the small space until they were standing before one another in the middle of the dance floor. 

 

“I thought you don’t dance.” He mentioned aloud, his teeth shining behind his smile in the ever-changing lights. 

 

Ben shrugged casually, offering up a smile of his own. “First time for everything.” 

 

The smile the man offered somehow became even brighter and Ben couldn’t help but mirror the action, his own teeth showing when the redhead pulled him in when the song changed. Ben might not have been much of a dancer, but he knew what to do when it came to following the beat. One song changed into another, and then another, and before long they were dancing the night away, pressed together as they moved to the music. 

 

Soon enough Ben stopped caring about what was right and wrong, about the embarrassment of being seen in a place like this. They went back to the bar for another round of drinks, where the man whose name he had yet to get was talking vividly about something. Ben was trying to pay attention, but it was hard because he was feeling so good and the man before him was looking so nice. 

 

At some point, the man offered him a smoke and while Ben hadn’t done so in years, he followed him out regardless. They were alone for only a moment in the back alleyway before the redhead was on him, pressing him back against the brick wall. Their kiss was slow and smothering and when they finally pulled away, they were smiling like fools. 

 

“By far the best idea we’ve had in a while,” Joe whispered, his arms wrapping around Ben’s shoulders to keep him close. 

 

“Yeah? Having fun?” 

 

“A night out on the town with you while playing pretend? Of course, I am. Though, a word of advice.” Reaching down, Joe lifted Ben’s left hand, nodding towards it. “Next time, take off your ring.” 

 

“This ring doesn’t leave my hand unless I am cooking or taking a shower,” Ben argued, proudly flexing his fingers, his wedding band shimmering in the dim light. “Obviously, I just love you more.” 

 

“Oh shut up.” Reaching under his shirt, Joe pulled at the chain he was wearing, unclasping it so he could pull off the ring that he had hanging there. He slipped it on his finger, wiggling his hand as proof. Ben took out his phone, reading the messages that Gwilym had sent him. Both Emmy and JJ were fast asleep, enjoying their impromptu sleepover at the Lee household. “Do you wanna head back inside or are we done playing for the night?” 

 

“Nights still young. What do you say to grab a bit of food before heading home?” 

 

“Dinner and dancing? You _do_ love me,” Joe stepped forward, kissing Ben once more before speaking again. “Happy anniversary.” 

 

“Happy anniversary,” Ben mimicked, lacing their fingers to tug him forward, leading him out of the alley so they could continue on with their date night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whaaaat? Another chapter? Where did this come from?
> 
> Everybody is losing their mind over Rockabye, but I had to admit, I was starting to miss my OG domestic Hardzello. So! Please enjoy this little ditty. Doesn't really deepen the plot nor does it have any of the wonderful family elements, but the boys needed a night away! 
> 
> Please comment down below to tell me what you thought!


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